The Chums 2
by 26Chapters
Summary: Bonnie and Damon agree to be together in the years of waiting for Elena. The heavier version.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1, **An Unfinished Life.**

* * *

Damon saunters into her living room with his head bowed, looking down at the phone in his hand. He's read the text more than three times in the last two minutes, between getting out of his car and walking into her house, but he still can't tear his eyes away from it.

 _Come over, right now_ , he reads the text for the last time before lifting his head to find the girl responsible for getting him here in the rush that he did.

'Whatever it is, Bon-' he starts to say, aimlessly losing the rest of his sentence when he sees the picture in front of him.

It's not the thousand candles burning around the living room that have him wondering what's going on. Rather, it's the small circle of three people sitting cross-legged, holding hands with their heads thrown back and the fronts of their necks visibly exposed, that has him questioning if he walked into the right house indeed.

As he stands looking at the scene before him, his conscious forgets that Bonnie's a witch, and that this scene that he's looking at, shouldn't be something surprising to him. His subconscious on the other hand, pushes him to move his feet along to where the three people are, and makes him crouch down to nudge Bonnie out of the trance-like state. He barely knows if it's really Bonnie that he's nudging, and he's barely aware that he's doing all this, because his subconscious is the one at play. Only when she opens her eyes and looks at him upside down, does his conscious mind return to the present, and he realises that he's crouched down -and apparently, broke up the concentration of the circle from what he can see.

While the other two people straighten their heads and direct their eyes his way, he quickly rises to his feet. Once fully on his feet, he holds his hand out for Bonnie, because he wants an explanation and he wants it fast. Bonnie easily takes his hand, using its support to lift herself off of the floor. Even when she gets on her feet and her eyes are set on his, they still keep their hands together.

'You came,' she breathes like she didn't believe that he would.

He would be offended, if she didn't have a point. The truth is, she sent him the text message around forty-five minutes ago, but he only read it around fifteen minutes back. It took him roughly a minute or two to get dressed, and then around twelve minutes to drive to her house, so he understands the relief in her tone.

'What's all this?' he asks, twirling his finger around to show that he means the thing happening in her living room.

When he read the text, he didn't necessarily expect the worst, but he didn't expect her to be a hundred percent okay when he got here either. He for sure thought that he would find her in some kind of emotional state or even distress. Apparently, though, he was mistaken, because the atmosphere is just a touch too creepy for his liking.

'A séance,' is her fluid answer.

The fluidity in her tone, though, he wonders curiously, it's like she's never been surer of anything in her life.

'A séance?' he repeats her answer in the form of a question, his eyes going from side to side around the room to visually confirm his question.

The burning candles, the two people and the ambience all point in the direction of said séance, but _his_ presence kind of makes him doubt that it's that. He's not a witch, so his presence shouldn't count for anything.

'That's what I just said,' she tells him, sounding a little irritated.

'Then what am I doing here?' he wants to know.

For a long second, she looks at him like she doesn't understand him. Her look says that he shouldn't be seriously asking her that, because the answer is clear. It's a good thing that after so many years, he knows how to expertly read her.

'I'm not a witch,' he whispers to explain the meaning behind his question.

'Because, Damon,' she slants her head to the side, 'don't you think it's strange that I haven't aged in close to eight years?'

He's noticed that she hasn't aged during all these years, but he doesn't care. If he did care about it, he would've mentioned it to her, but he didn't. He isn't complaining about it, so he shrugs to answer her question.

He didn't care at the time immediately after Elena went to sleep when they went travelling around Europe and time afterwards. He wasn't there to care for the three years that he was desiccating. He didn't care that she wasn't aging in the lengthy two years with the Armory, and then Sybil, and then Cade. Neither did he care during the two years of peace that they've had so far, so he _truly didn't_ and _doesn't_ care, which means that he doesn't find it strange.

'It's not just that I haven't aged,' she responds to his shrug. 'My face hasn't changed. I haven't lost or gained weight. My hair hasn't grown at all since eight years ago and I haven't cut my nails since the same time,' she finishes to list.

Although he understands what she's saying, in the back of his mind, he can't help it wonder how long she's been keeping track of this. It doesn't seem like it's been close to eight years already, even though he knows it has been, but apparently she's been recording all of it. If she's been keeping track, and it obviously bothered her, why didn't she say anything to him about it?

'Maybe being with me, my youthfulness has rubbed off on you,' he tries in between his own wondering. 'I don't know, Bonnie, why does it even bother you?'

Isn't it every girl's dream to be forever young, he thinks, what did he miss, that it's not the same for her?

Pulling her hand from his, she replies with a heartfelt, 'Because it _does,_ ' to which he can't push against, because it doesn't leave any room for argument.

Because of this, he decides that it's better for him to let it go for now and rather concentrate on the witch assembly that he walked into.

Pointing at the two people across them, he wants to know, 'So what does _that_ have to do with this séance?'

'That's Margareth,' Bonnie points to the first woman sitting flat on the floor. 'She's a spiritualist. And that's Flavia,' she points to the next woman, 'she's a medium.'

That still doesn't my question, he shares with her through a single look. As much he knows how to read her, she equally knows how to read him too, expressions and all. It's one of the things that really speak about their relationship well.

'I called them and you here,' she explains to him, 'so we could have a séance, to find out why I haven't aged all this time.'

'Are you contacting Grams? Because then I _really_ shouldn't be here.'

He's not afraid of Sheila, but he doesn't want to be around when Bonnie talks to her grandmother. He would rather that she _chooses_ to tell him about the encounter, instead of being present for it. It's more about being a stroke on his ego that their intimacy as at _that_ level, to _that_ extent, than it is about anything else.

'Not Grams,' she responds and then takes hold of his arm to pull him two steps to the two sitting women. 'We're contacting Kai.'

Without question, he lets her drag him with her to sit cross-legged on the floor and be a part of the circle. He doesn't greet the two women, because he has another pressing concern.

'Just so I'm in the loop,' he says to Bonnie directly, 'we're going to contact Kai?'

Psychopath Kai, that he hates with all his heart? That Kai?

'Yes,' she says, 'now shut up so we can start.'

While the three get into position, he returns to wondering why she didn't tell him about this, when clearly, she's been plotting it for a minute and a half. She's including him in this _now_ , for only she knows what reason, but he would've loved to know that she had concerns about not aging. And oh, maybe Kai's involvement in this.

Putting his feelings aside, he sits in silence with his eyes open as the spiritualist begins to mutter foreign words. He looks from one woman to another while the spiritual stuff is going on, until he finally settles his eyes on Bonnie. As if in synch with his actions, the ambience dims to something softer and more neutral, if he can call it that, and Bonnie opens her eyes to find his waiting ones.

'We did it,' she whispers and then points a finger to Flavia. 'Look.'

He follows her finger to look at Flavia, the medium, and that's when Kai's voice in the medium's body speaks. He would've liked a little adjustment time before hearing _that_ voice, if he's being honest.

'Damon? Bonnie?' Kai sounds surprised, and yet not sincere about it. 'Oh, wow, I thought for sure you'd never come to visit me, but look, here you _are_.'

Just the sound of that voice makes Damon want to release his hidden fangs from their prison, but he contains himself for Bonnie's sake. If she prepared a séance for Kai, then he can't mess it up for her. He may still has vivid hatred for the guy that _hurt_ the two women that he cares about, and then joined their lives to hurt _him,_ but for Bonnie's sake, he'll do his best to contain himself. He'll reluctantly swallow his hatred, and go through with this. He'll also let Bonnie do the opening, because he doesn't trust that he'll say the right thing.

'The life-link you did,' she gets right to the point, 'what does it do?'

It's a little disturbing for Damon to see the medium's face transform as Kai's spirit produces a smug smile. If he could avoid it, he would look away to keep himself from ever having to see that smile again, but he knows that Bonnie wants him here. Possibly for strength and support, and so he cannot fail her.

'In a hurry, are we, Bonnie?' Kai seems to taunt through his smile.

It's like Kai knows that Bonnie needs him, so he can play around all he likes with no following consequences. This angers Damon so much that he makes the tips of his fangs descend from their hiding place, just readying them for the perfect time. Kai better watch himself.

'Catch me up on current events first, please,' Kai continues. 'You know, this side of life... oops, I mean dead... isn't exactly bursting with life, so I'm as bored as you can imagine. Come on, Bonnie,' Kai's spirit inclines the mediums head to the side, ' _entertain_ me a little.'

'Why'd the chicken cross the road?' Bonnie sarcastically obliges.

To that, Kai lets out a little laugh that is clearly fake and says, 'Ha ha, Bonnie. I expected that from Damon, not _you_.' Provocatively, Kai switches his stare from Bonnie to Damon to ask, 'Why aren't _you_ saying anything, Damon?'

The little dog! Damon feels like he's a little taunt away from busting his fangs completely out just seeing what Kai's playing at. He grinds his teeth together, to keep from showing his fangs and ruining this for Bonnie. In that small time, he thinks that it would help better for Bonnie to get answers, if _he_ somewhat entertains Kai. He's not going to like it, but he'll do it, only, he'll do it _his_ own way.

'Just tell us why Bonnie hasn't changed in years,' he directs at Kai, sending a fierce stare his way. Kai wanted him to say something, and there, he's said it. Now it's _his_ turn to be generous.

Kai's spirit dramatically takes in a long gasp and then follows it with, 'Oh? Bonnie hasn't aged one bit? No wonder she's still as _glowing_ as ever.'

That's it, Damon decides, he's not going to take any of this anymore. He makes to get off his butt, but Bonnie's hand lands on his lap to keep him where he is.

'That's Flavia, not Kai,' she tells him when he looks at her to question why she did that.

Although he heeds the silent warning without protest, he doesn't let his guard down. Of course he knows that Kai's not really here, but the taunting is making him want to set something on fire and watch it burn to ashes. Still, he reasons, he's doing this for her, so he has to listen to her. Unfortunately, though, the way Bonnie restrained him doesn't go undetected by Kai's spirit in the medium's body.

'I love how Bonnie can _tame_ you,' Kai smoothly throws at Damon in a long whisper, the nuance clearly audible.

'Kai, I swear...' Damon warns him, clenching one hand to help keep his cool.

'Fine!' Kai accepts after an eye roll, seemingly giving in, 'I'll tell you.'

Good, Damon thinks, looking at Bonnie to see if she's as relieved about it as he is. He finds her intently looking at the medium's body, as though worried that if she looks anywhere else, she'll miss something. Seeing that he won't get her attention, he looks at Kai too, letting silence settle in the room while they wait for Kai to speak.

Kai, however, to Damon's irritation, only lets out a chuckle, one that says he finds them being obedient extremely funny.

'Kai!' he demands one last time.

He swears, after this, he won't hold back. There's tolerance and then there's patience, but after those two fade, which they have in this case, all that remains is a viral need for retribution. If Kai does and says one more thing...

'Tough crowd,' Kai remarks, setting his eyes on Damon directly. It's the only communication that Damon needs to know that whatever will come out of Kai's mouth next, will be for him _specifically_.

'Okay,' the spirit Kai continues, 'so remember how I said that Bonnie's life is linked to Elena's?'

'We know that part,' Damon coldly retorts.

'Yeah,' Kai agrees casually, 'but now that I think about it, I don't think I ever got around to telling you the _really genius_ part of my trick...'

It's a trick, Damon tells himself, the dramatic pause that Kai just made, is just a trick, probably one that Kai's hoping he'll react to. He won't, though, he won't react, not even by flexing a muscle. No matter how long it takes.

'Ug,' Kai complains, apparently bummed, 'I was going for a more dramatic effect, but okay, I guess I'll just do it the old-fashioned boring way. You see, Damon, in linking their lives, I linked their blood properties, so the fact that Bonnie hasn't changed, _is by design_.'

'What do you mean, _by design_?' Bonnie asks, sounding genuinely clueless of where Kai's headed.

While Bonnie might not be following, Damon has caught on quite fast enough to know that the direction this conversation is heading, is going to end at a destination that he's not going to like. Forget the Augustine prison, forget the Phoenix Stone prison, and forget the Armory prison, because the final destination that will be Kai's revelation, will probably be several immortalities worse than all the other prisons combined, is what Damon's afraid of.

His entire soul, is starting to vibrate at the thought of Kai saying what he's going to say, because he _won't_ like it. Apparently, his soul is already starting to prepare itself for flight away from this harsh and crushing reality that's about to come out of Kai's mouth.

'What, did you think I was going to let you two off the hook after what you did to me?' Kai asks Damon. 'Nah-ah! I meant business, Damon. When I said you couldn't have both girls, I _literally_ meant it.'

Kai better stop there, Damon thinks, feeling agitated by the vibrations of his soul. Kai better hold his mouth and not go any further.

'Shut up!' Damon abruptly roars, his fangs fully descending out of his gums and forcing him to part his lips to expose them to the spirit Kai.

Unbothered, though, Kai carries on with what he was saying. 'Had you chosen Elena, she would've aged along with the years, because Bonnie's blood is mortal. But since you didn't choose Elena, Bonnie will _always_ be _this_ young, thanks to Elena's immortal blood.'

He swears on his immortal life, that it feels like he can feel his heart rapidly beating through his chest. In his own ears, it sounds likes a drum circle is happening inside him where his heart is and the beat is getting louder and louder, almost comparable to a war cry.

'The only way to have Elena back,' Kai smugly dangles in a victorious tone, 'is to _kill_ Bonnie. But you wouldn't do that,' he pauses to laugh and then only adds the challenge, ' _would_ you, Damon?'

A thousand thoughts arise in Damon's head, immediately driving him to feel extremely helpless. What no one, but two people know about him, is that when he feels helpless, he gets violent, extremely violent, because it gives him a sense of control. One of the people who know this about him, is sitting right next to him, and he would usually consider her before acting, but man, he feels the lowest of helplessness there is right now, so he _cannot_ , for the life of him, keep himself from being violent at the moment.

In this state of mind, he flawlessly lunges for the medium housing Kai's spirit and roughly shoves her to the side, to get rid of Kai's presence.

'Damon!' Bonnie shrieks behind him and then he feels her hands land on his waist. 'Stop it!'

He can't stop, he thinks as he gets ready to lift the medium up and fling her across the room. He can't stop, he thinks as the taunting sounds of his vibrating soul and 'beating' heart ring louder and louder in his head.

'Damon, stop!' Bonnie begs, her hands moving from his waist to his shoulders.

Somehow, as small as she is, she manages to get him on his feet and tightly grab his arms to stabilise him as they stand face to face. He looks into her eyes and for a small second, the disturbing and frantic sounds of his own soul and heart, stop long enough for him to hear _her concern_ for him, _her worry_ about him, screaming from the base of her eyes.

In that small second, he feels overly relieved to hear something else other than his own internal sounds. But then her eyes soften as if to tell him that it's okay because she's here, and that he should focus on her _rather_ than being angry, and his own haunting sounds hurriedly return to him.

 _Damn it_ , he already made the choice between Bonnie and Elena once before, he's not going to do it _again!_ _He can't be forced into that position again!_

'Please stop,' Bonnie begs him.

From the corners of his eyes, he sees the medium collect herself from the floor, and the spiritualist come to life from her trance. He doesn't care for either of them, and so when one of the two barely utters a rough sound of complain, he forcefully grabs Bonnie's arms.

'Tell them to leave!' he orders.

From looking at him urgently, Bonnie suddenly looks at him like she's afraid of moving or saying anything. She doesn't answer him and he's reminded that the last time that she looked at him like that, was years ago after he bit her for the first time. He's never seen her look at him with such raw fear like that again, until now.

'Tell. Them. To. Leave,' he pronounces, tactfully separating each word from the previous one to get the depth of his point across.

Fearfully, Bonnie just manages to move her head up and down once.

* * *

Chapter 2, **Blink Of An Eye.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2, **Blink Of An Eye.**

* * *

She's seen Flavia and Margareth out of her house, and she's even apologised to them on Damon's behalf, so there's no reason for her to linger back in the hallway like she's doing, except that she's _afraid of going back to Damon._ She's that afraid to hear him say something that will break her heart, that she's deliberately taking measured half steps, so as to prolong the process of getting to him.

She stops moving just then, to take in a breath and _really_ prepare herself for what's coming.

There used to be a time in her life when she feared Damon, a time when she really feared being in his presence, all thanks to the anger and viciousness that she'd seen in his eyes on the night that he first attacked her. Gradually, though, that time passed and she stopped being afraid of him, and moved on to finding him repulsive instead.

Both of those days, the days that she feared him and the days that she found him repulsive, are well behind her now, and she doesn't feel any of those things towards him anymore. However, very recently, a new fear rose within her, and it's been harder to harbour more than all the other feelings she's ever felt towards him. That fear, is that one day, he would break her heart, and that's the thing that she's feeling _right now_.

She's afraid, she thinks, pulling in a long breath for the strength that she desperately feels like she needs. She's really, really afraid.

Ever since she realised that she _carelessly_ managed to fall for him, the fear that he would use that to break her heart one day, surfaced within her without an invite. Since then, she's secretly been dreading the day that it would happen, and as it is, she thinks that day, is _today_. _Tonight_ , even.

She's so afraid of the conclusion of the conflict that she saw in Damon's eyes when he told her to tell her spiritual acquaintances to leave, that she wants nothing more than to have the world stand still, so that she can adjust the pieces of time and change it back to _before_ she decided to contact Kai with Damon right next to her.

'What's done is done,' she tells herself in a whisper, willing herself to pick her feet up and start moving again.

Although all of her nerves are on end just thinking that, and she literally feels like her heart will suddenly stop due to all the rushed beating that it's doing, she knows that she has to swallow her nerves as well as her raging hurricane of a heart, and step back to where Damon is, no matter if she's afraid or not.

Reluctantly, with that last thought as motivation, she takes the last steps to into the living room, to appear before Damon.

'They're gone,' she tells him, even though she knows that he knows.

It's her way of opening a direct line for them to talk, so that she doesn't have to wait around in silent escalating fear while he possibly looks at her without saying anything. From the way he's standing where she left him, with a pensive look on his face –a big difference from the look that she left him with- she's sure that she made the right choice in opening with something.

For a response, though, he firstly closes the footstep distance separating them and then leisurely lifts his right hand to touch the edge of her face, which makes her pull in a small gasp at the contact.

It's not that his touch surprises her, but it's that all the way from the door, she prepared herself to receive something that would break her from him, only to be dealt _this_ ; this soft reaction which is a massive contrast from how threatening and wild he looked just a few minutes ago. Something is not right about this, she thinks internally, even though she doesn't cower out of his reach.

It _can't_ be that he's suddenly calmed down for no reason, in the time that he told her to get rid of the two women and the time that she intentionally slacked in returning to him. She knows Damon, she knows what gets him to react a certain way, and she easily knows what it takes for him to cool off, which is how she's sure that he didn't _just_ calm down to a gentle person in that short amount of time without proper motivation. He felt far too much when Kai revealed what he did, for it to be miraculously gone just like that. Something is seriously not right.

While holding her breath, her eyes stealthily try to watch his hand on her face, to see if something sudden will happen, but they don't find his hand, so they travel up to his face.

'I know you're angry,' she tells him in the hope that he'll stop this and really be angry like he is.

To her disappointment, however, he doesn't appear to hear her, because instead of dejectedly dropping his hand to accept that she's on to him, he fully touches her face with his fingertips. It sends the wrong kind of chills down her back.

'Damon, stop,' she tries, fixing her eyes on his. 'I know you're angry at yourself, at me too, but suddenly acting like you're not, is scaring me.'

She'd been scared of him telling her that he's sorry, that he can't wait _that_ long for Elena and then ultimately ask her to die instead, but now, _this_ is much scarier for her. His gentleness, somehow reminds her of the passionate kiss before the betrayal, and it's freezing her heart in place.

Again, Damon doesn't give her a verbal response, he only uses his hand to feather her cheek and then gently and very slowly traces his fingers to her forehead.

'Da-mon,' she lets out in broken syllables.

He's seriously scaring her here, because she can't read what he's up to in his eyes and his touch just feels off to her. Just as she's thinking that, he brings his other hand to the other side of her face, before making the hand on her forehead join the other to cup her face, while she continues to keep her breath in.

'Elena,' he finally breathes as if he's seeing her for the first time.

It's the way he says the name 'Elena,' that really takes an unwarranted jab at her pride, causing her to finally let go of her breath in a part exasperated, part mortally wounded way. Following that, she quickly rips his hands off her face and takes a long step away from him. She can almost say that she's as disgusted with him as she is hurt.

If he, for one second can look at her and see her as Elena, or maybe want to see her as Elena, then... In a way, she finds that so much more disturbing than having to hear him ask her to die so that he can have Elena back with him.

'No,' she fiercely turns down after a minute, ' _Bonnie_.'

She carefully watches him for a reaction after that, and surely, as though coming from a foggy daze, Damon runs his eyes at her from top to bottom, and then repeats the motion by starting from her feet to her head. This time, after doing this, he's the one who takes a long step away from her, greatly increasing the space between them. For a reason that she neither knows, nor understands, the fact that he stepped even further away from her, provokes fury in her.

'Look, Damon,' she starts to rant, crossing her arms to emphasise her feelings, 'be mad. I understand you being mad. Be mad at me, because _I'm_ the one that took Elena from you, but at least have the courage to say that you're mad to my face!'

Exactly like he didn't hear what she said, Damon turns his back on her and goes around to the candles.

Unbelievable, she hotly thinks. He's treating this like it's nothing! From appearing like he would burst open when Kai told them the truth about the link, he went to being soft with how he dealt with her, and now, he's acting like she's not even talking to him. _This_ Damon that he's being right now, is one that she hasn't seen in a long time, a Damon that acts so randomly and unpredictably, that it's hard to understand his thought process and see his feelings.

He's not making this easy for her!

When he blows out the first one and then looks at her, still saying nothing, she's provoked to say something to him again.

'Say it,' she half shouts across to him. 'Say that you're mad at me. You're allowed to, but you pretending that you're not, when you clearly are, isn't right.'

Again, as though he didn't hear her speak, he moves on to the next candle and blows it out before he looks at her again.

She doesn't understand what he's doing, what he's trying to prove. He already called her Elena, which clearly means that he wants her to be Elena, but does he have to blow out the candles in the probable hope that he'll stop seeing her face? Why can't he just tell her what's in his heart once and for all, instead of making her wonder what he's up to?

'You're making this all about you,' she unfolds her arms, 'when _I'm_ the one with the link in her veins. How do you think _I_ feel? Huh, Damon? How do you think I feel knowing that my best friend will never return unless I die? How do you think _I feel_ watching you wish that I was Elena?'

She didn't display her true emotions on that, and she doesn't plan to, but she doesn't like the fact that he wishes that. She didn't even mean for it to slip out like it did just now, and yet, she doesn't regret that it _did_ come out.

'Stop talking, Bonnie,' tiredly comes out of his mouth, as though it took all he had to say it.

After that, he successively blows out nine candles one after the other, significantly diminishing the light in the room, and then looks at her. In the minimal light of the last remaining lit candle, she stares at him, unsure how to carry on from there.

'I know it's you,' he tells her in the same previous tired tone –and she swears that she sees him briefly close his eyes for a second- 'but I keep lifting my eyes to look at you, and all I see is Elena.'

Wow, she thinks as a second jab hits her internally.

'I see your lips moving and all I hear are the things that Elena said to me,' he continues. 'I didn't hear anything you said, and no matter how many candles I blew out to stop seeing Elena, I couldn't see your face. I _still_ can't see your face.'

If she thought the previous jab was painful, this new shot, is a lot more intense and scalding. It's like she's burning from acid beneath the skin and invisible concrete is rising up inside her throat.

'I'm not Elena, Damon,' she tells him after swallowing a large lump down her throat.

'Maybe you should be,' is his immediate answer.

It takes a long second for her to digest his tasteless answer, but when she does, she brushes the effect of it aside to respond to him in a neutral way, in a way that doesn't give her emotions away.

'What are you saying,' she begins, lifting her head just a little high to show him that she's not accepting defeat, 'that I should die so she can be here in front of you instead?'

The way she sees his face crease together, she almost wants to believe that he thinks that suggestion to be the furthest thing from the truth. She almost would believe it, if he _didn't_ actually want her to be Elena.

Slightly shaking his head, he answers, 'No,' and then only moves in a blur to appear in front of her and look down into her eyes. 'I just never want to see you again,' comes out of his mouth.

She heard the words, she swears that she heard the words that he said, but somehow, her mind needs to him them again, so it can hear them properly this time around and then decide how to respond to them.

'What?' she strains the question out in a whisper.

'I don't want to ever see you again,' he repeats, closing his eyes with visible effort.

Shocked and mostly confused, she stands pasted on the spot for a second before realising that he just brushed past her and is on his way out of her house. Quickly recovering, mildly panicking too, she runs after him. When she reaches him, she desperately grabs his arm to turn him back to her, but he wrenches himself free just as he opens the door, and then makes out of the door without looking back at her. He leaves her there without an explanation and without so much as a word to her.

Short blink after short blink, Bonnie looks at the empty space where Damon had been, wondering, what just happened?

* * *

Chapter 3, **Crawling Back To You.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3, **Crawling Back To You.**

* * *

He _thinks_ this is day eight.

He can't be sure that it really is, not when he thinks that he kind of lost count after day four. It's possible that he's counted two day threes, and two day fours, but hell, who even cares, because he certainly doesn't!

It's not like he's aiming for a world record as the guy who stayed in bed for the longest time without getting up, without drinking, and without changing his full attire from his shoes to his jacket. So really, who cares if it's day eight or not! It's not even like being sure of the exact day will make a difference anyway, not when his mind and his eyes are _only_ open for this minute before he programs himself to sleep again until the next sunrise.

Before this minute of his eyes being open is over, though, he starts to remember when he left _her_ that night. It's become something of a ritual for him to open his eyes in the morning -to acknowledge that it's the morning of the next day-, and then briefly rewind his mind to the night that he harshly left Bonnie without giving anything away, so yes, he _has_ to remember before he goes back to sleep.

He remembers how, when he got home that night, he turned off every single light in the house, and then walked to his room to climb onto his bed, shoes and all, _feeling nothing_. Seconds later, he started rising from the bed with the thought that he needed a drink, only to weightily fall back down on the bed, making himself believe that a drink wouldn't make him _stop_ feeling nothing anyway. And so, he slept _just like that_.

He woke up the next morning, and when he remembered in _detail_ what had happened the previous night at Bonnie's house, he didn't feel like getting up, so he didn't. Instead, he programmed himself to fall back and sleep until the next day. He drifted off to sleep with the idea that he would wake up differently the next day.

But, the next day he woke up and nothing was _different_ , everything was the same. He _still_ remembered what happened with Bonnie, and the nothingness that he felt, found _more_ room inside him to occupy, consequently taking away all and any will he had to rise from bed. And so, he closed his eyes and fell asleep _again_.

The cycle continued morning after morning, and well, _this_ is the life that's he's living now. One morning turned into another, and then it became eight days or even more, but sadly, he can't think of an alternative to _this_ life. Even if he _could_ think of an alternative life, he would first have to gather himself up from the bed, but he doesn't see that happening so... He'll just close his eyes and program himself to sleep again for the next twenty-three hours.

However, as he begins to close his eyes, something that hasn't happened in eight days, happens; he _hears_ a voice. He hears his brother's voice to be exact.

'He's always asleep,' his brother says. 'I haven't been able to talk to him in twelve days. He might as well be desiccating.'

 _Wrong_ , Damon tiredly thinks, _if he wanted to be desiccating, he would've been desiccating. Desiccating would've been much less of a hassle than waking up and going back to sleep every morning is, that's for sure. Desiccating would've definitely saved him the lowliness of feeling nothing, but he doesn't want to desiccate and that's just it._

'I don't care,' a familiar female voice hotly returns. 'I'm going to hurt him _anyway_. If Bonnie won't defend herself, I will.'

She sounds irritated, he notes about Caroline, but that doesn't mean anything to him. He couldn't be bothered that she's hotly irritated, because no one called them over to worry about him. What does bother him about the fact that they're approaching his room, is why they came anyway. They don't _even_ live here anymore, so what do they want with him? If he'd known that he wouldn't be able to avoid them by coming here, to the place that they don't live, he would've found another place to go to.

 _Well_ , he wryly thinks, _whatever anyway. He'll keep his eyes closed and remain unresponsive to the two of them until they leave. Heck, he can even start to program himself to sleep while they're in his room, that way, he won't get to hear much of what they want to say to him._

Immediately following his last thought, everything seems to all happen in the same speedy second, leaving him no space for anticipation. Just as he finishes his last thought, right then, the door violently bursts open and then it suddenly feels like a wild acidic fire is burning into the depths of his face. Although he lets out a sharp exclamation at the surprise contact, and although he feels the fire burn deep into the flesh and bone of his face, while clawing his skin off, he _can't_ say that he resents the effect.

If he's being honest, it's the first _feeling_ in eight days that he's feeling, and wow, he _actually_ likes it. As opposed to heavily feeling nothing these last days, _this_ pain –albeit physical and external- is _great_ and relieving. This pain feels to him, like the ultimate difference that he wanted to feel on the second morning and every day afterwards, but _never did_.

' _That's_ for making Bonnie cry,' he hears Caroline shriek.

 _He should thank his brother's wife_ , he thinks without opening his eyes or even moving a muscle. _He should thank her for giving him the one thing that he's been craving to have, but he could never have, and so he buried the craving deep inside him, not to bother him when he knew full well that that couldn't satisfy it_. _He should thank her_ , he repeats the thought, _but he can already feel his face begin to heal, taking with it the welcomed pain of being vervained, so there's nothing left to thank her for._

It's then that he forces his eyes to open. It's that he _has_ to feel that pain _again_ , even just a little taste! He has to feel the uncomfortable pain eating away at his precious face, and helplessly be able to do nothing about it! Like an addictive drug that he just discovered, he has to be vervained again, so hurriedly gets on his feet to appear in front of Caroline.

 _Should he push her_ , he wonders, solely looking at the small bottle of vervain in her hand. _Should he push her so that she's provoked to spill whatever is left of the vervain all over him, to make him go through a long minute consuming pain_? _Should he push her so that it pilots her to react in a way that will make him feel_?

Suddenly, the bottle along with her hand disappear from his sight and the burning sensation that he'd been contemplating to provoke from Caroline, reacquaints itself with his face again. This time, frustratingly, it only lands on the left side of his face, not in the centre of his face like it did the first time.

 _Damn it! He really needed it to cover his entire face!_

'And _that's_ for making her decide to move away from here,' Caroline spits out with disgust.

Too soon for his liking, and adding onto his current frustration, the effect of the vervain starts to wear off his face, and he finds himself expectantly looking at Caroline. He pointedly stares at her, just waiting for her next blow, but she just stares back at him, appearing like she's _waiting for him_ to do something.

 _What_ , he thinks, a little confused, _what the hell is waiting for from him? She's the one with the vervain in her hand, she's the one who's got it in her mind to hurt him, so what is she doing looking at him expectantly like she's waiting for something from him?_

The soft sound of something landing on the floor, roughly pulls him away from his thoughts, to find out what fell. His eyes instinctively move to look at her hand, only to find that the bottle of vervain in no longer in her hand. He blinks twice to clear his sight and come to terms with the fact that Caroline just let the one thing that he needs, fall to the floor like it's not important. What sets it for him, is that she doesn't bend to pick it or even seem like she's bothered by the fact that the bottle just fell out of her hand.

To say that he's disappointed, would not even begin to cover the way that he truly feels about knowing that the vervain that had caused him to feel something other than nothing, is _no more_. He feels robbed, like he'd just been a finger tip away from getting what he wants, only for some uninvited person to swarm in and snatch it away from his grasp. If he had feelings enough for his heart to break, he's sure that his heart would be breaking right now. He can't even look at Caroline anymore.

It's best that he goes back to bed and closes his eyes for sleep again. After all, this _is_ the life that he's carved out for himself, why would he want to change it now? He makes to turn his back on her to climb back onto his bed just as he is, but then she gets a tight grip of his arm to keep him from giving her his back.

'You're not going to _say_ anything?' she yells at him, and the effect is ten times worse at close range for his sensitive ears. 'You're just going to stand there and say nothing?'

Silently, without any thought to reply, Damon stares at her, just waiting for her to let him go, so that he can go back to sleep like he's been doing for the past days. All he's seen in the last days, is the light of dawn through the small crack between the two drawn curtains in his room. He hasn't seen night, he hasn't heard a voice and he hasn't heard his phone ring, all because he consciously chose not to. He didn't make a mistake in choosing that, but here is _Caroline_ , trying to make _him_ think that he made the wrong choice?

Does she even remotely have an idea of what it's like to construct your life around the hope of waiting for the perfect love to return to you, and then to have that hope shred apart without prior warning? Can she even begin to understand in the slightest, what it´s like to see the face of the one you love on someone else´s body, and for that brief moment wish with all of your might that it was real, regardless of what it actually means in reality? Is she even distinctly familiar with how torn and messed up you have to be, to the point where nothing is the only feeling that you can feel, despite wanting to feel anything else?

 _She has no right_ , he thinks dejectedly. _She should just let go of his arm and leave his room, to carry on with her dandy life together with her husband and kids._

'You're something else, Damon,' Caroline roughly snaps, letting go of him at the same time. 'I don't understand how Bonnie loves you, when you're clearly _not_ worth it.'

 _At least she let him go_ , he thinks tiredly, _at least now he can get back to his ´dandy´ life, like she will get back to hers._

Again, as he makes to give her his back, she quickly counters to stop him, but this time, it's her hand that makes sharp explosive contact with the skin on his face. Even after he´s felt the sting of her slap, it takes him a stretchingly long second to realise that she just slapped him across the face.

 _Funny, though_ , he thinks, _he felt the slap, but he didn't really feel it_. _Maybe he should try to move again, for her to slap him much harder than this._

Once again, he deliberately makes to move and sure enough, Caroline delivers two slaps across his across his face, this side and then that. The difference this time around, is that yes, _thankfully_ , he feels the slaps and yes, he likes the way they feel. True, the effect of the slaps can't be compared to the acidic burn of vervain, but _at least_ it makes him feel more than nothing.

 _He wonders,_ a small bubble of excitement building up within him, _if he shoves her back, will she pounce on him, or will his brother attack him for touching his wife?_

'You sicken me, Damon Salvatore,' she declares in a defeated tone, shaking her head in disappointment too. 'I _wish_ I never had to see you again!'

 _What, she´s not going to hit him some more?_

Following her verbal expression, she turns her back on him, calling for Stefan to come with her. 'Let's go, Stefan.'

At the name Stefan, Damon shifts his eyes to look at his brother just a little way from him. It´s the first time that he's looking at his brother.

'No, wait,' Stefan declines, looking genuinely worried. 'I want to talk to my brother.'

 _Go with your wife, little brother,_ he thinks, _she knows best. Don't try to save me, because you can't._

'Why?' Caroline asks, not faltering in her steps. 'He obviously doesn't care about any of us, least of all Bonnie, who would _die_ for him. Don't waste your time on him, Stefan, let's go.'

Although he just wants his brother to leave just like Caroline left, Stefan doesn't immediately follow his wife, instead, he stays rooted on the spot, carefully watching him as though waiting for his big self defence. There's something in his brother's eyes, that's somewhat heroic, like his brother feels responsible to extract some essence out of him and then save him that way. Well, he doesn´t like it, just like he doesn´t like the languid sense of expectation in the air.

'Talk to me, Damon,' his brother gently encourages, all of his concern audible.

 _Talk to him about what? Nothing? Does he really want to hear about nothing? Is that what he wants?_

'Bonnie told us about what happened,' Stefan tells him, 'so don't go around thinking you're the only one who feels about this situation. She's not the one who has to come crawling back to you, Damon, no matter how _you_ feel. Talk to me, so I can help you.'

His brother intently stares at him, possibly waiting for a response of any kind, but when it doesn't come even after a whole minute, he shakes his head as if to say that Damon's a lost cause. He doesn't look ready to leave, but still, Stefan heeds his wife and begins to leave.

Watching his brother turn his back on him, without so much as a final pleading word to him, miraculously thaws the nothing inside him. He doesn't understand how or why, but for the first time since the night at Bonnie's, he feels _naturally_ removed from feeling numbed. Miraculously, the weight of his brother's unspoken disappointment, forces him to imagine the reality of things from Bonnie's side.

* * *

Chapter 4, **Dead Hearts.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4, **Dead Hearts.**

* * *

Just as she takes a seat on the pedestal in front of the mirror inside her room, she feels the same almost undetectable shift in the air that always comes with Damon's presence. She may be one of the very few people in the world who can detect Damon's immediate presence without having her eyes on him, and it's usually a good thing, but not this morning.

It's funny, she thinks after she pulls in a small breath through her mouth and then sets her eyes on the open bedroom window behind her in the mirror. It's funny that the very thing that she's been fighting for and longing to have for days, is finally at her window, but instead of feeling an overwhelming touch of relief, she feels herself weakening as though designed to do so. As her eyes make contact with the black beads of eyes of the crow standing on her windowsill, she almost wants to bend over and throw up.

It's as if the crow's calculating whether or not to drop in, because it doesn't look sure and convinced enough to fly further inside. She should probably give it a sign that it can come in, but at this point, even she doesn't know if letting it in will be right thing for either of them.

All these days, she hasn't wanted anything more than to hear even _two_ words from Damon. She wanted him to come and see her, however, now that he's here, she can't help it feel weak and sick. Because of this, she quickly averts her eyes from his, to keep herself from giving in to the sick feeling spreading through her whole body. Although she manages to avert her eyes, she unfortunately doesn't miss the crow transforming into its human form. So much for the preparation time she'd been hoping to give herself by looking away.

'Did I ever make you feel like you were the reason that I don't have Elena?' he asks in a low tone from her window.

She's not sure what exactly she expected him to say to her, but when she first laid eyes on his crow form a few seconds ago, she convinced herself that he's only here in person, because he has bad news for her. If he didn't have bad news, she thinks, he would've replied to one of the countless texts that she sent him, to let her know that she has nothing to worry about.

Even though he has bad news for her, she decides, he's still in her room and that gives her the right to speak from the heart to him. It won't be easy, because her heart is racing faster than anything Formula 1 has ever seen, yet, she'll speak from the heart in case she doesn't get another chance to speak to him after this.

'After ignoring my calls and messages,' she starts, still sour that he never _once_ replied to any of them, 'you sneak in through my window and shamelessly _expect_ us to have a heart to heart?'

She gathers that probably, in his mind, it only made sense that he came to her window. It's most likely that he didn't think that she would open the front door for him to enter. It was a good assessment, she thinks, because if he'd shown up at her door, she would've looked his way and then scowled at him for making her go through countless days without an explanation, before slamming the door in his face.

What makes her extremely sour about the fact that he didn't return her calls and texts, is that a battery can only last so long after so many missed calls and messages, which means that he must've plugged in his phone at least once every two days. His phone was never off when she tried to call, so he can't use the excuse that he didn't see her texts. Almost every hour for the past days, for every call that wasn't answered, she left a voice message, and every voice message that didn't receive feedback, she left at least two text messages. If he tries to say that he didn't get any of those, she'll use her magic to hurt him like he hurt her, she swears.

'Just answer the question, Bonnie,' he replies in the same low tone. 'I'm not here to divide blame.'

Right here and now, she should face him and then yell for him to leave through her window, because he _doesn't_ have the right to stand in her room and make demands of her, but she finds that she can't tell him to leave. With her heart beating as fast as it is, deeply anticipating to receive bad news, she can only stay silent, because as much as she should treat him with the same disregard that he treated her with, she still wants him to tell her that he really didn't mean anything serious by telling her that he never wants to see her again. It may be stupidly hopeful for her to want him to tell her that, but she still wants what she wants.

In staying silent, she lifts her eyes to look at him in the mirror. The difference now, is that her small green eyes meet his blue eyes, instead of the black crow eyes. She would've liked to read something of an emotion in his eyes, not the placid stance that's in them.

' _Did_ I ever make you feel like it's your fault that Elena's asleep?' he repeats while their eyes are on each other's.

She swallows for more than one reason to evenly reply, 'No. You never did.'

She can, in all honesty, say that he never made her _feel_ like she's responsible for Elena not being with him. The eight years so far, haven't been all perfect and rosy for them, especially the first four years, but not even for a second during all this time did he make her _feel_ like she was responsible for Elena being absent from his life. Sure, there were a few instances where seemingly insignificant things were said, that made her question her existence as opposed to Elena's non-existence of sorts, however, even then, it wasn't because he made her _feel_ any way of responsible.

Barely nodding as though to say that he understands perfectly, Damon opens his mouth to say, 'So what you said the other night about it being your fault, is something that your head cooked up all on its own, without _my_ help?'

'I thought you said that you didn't hear a word a said that night,' she distinctly points out, the same sourness from when she reminded him that she left him countless messages and calls that he didn't return, seeping into her voice.

It's that every word that he said to her that night, is uncomfortably etched into an unfit place in her head, that she can't rid herself of the unpleasant emotions attached to the recollection of everything that he said to her that night. For every word and sentence that she'll remember during this conversation, she'll do it with an unpleasant emotion; it's inevitable.

'Answer the question,' is his low reply to her reminder.

There he is, still insisting on maintaining his low emotionless tone, like all this means so little to him that he couldn't be bothered to speak with his feelings like she is doing. It's obvious that he feels something about this whole situation, if he didn't, he wouldn't have treated her like she didn't exist in the past days, so why doesn't he show her his feelings through his tone? It irks her so much that he's being this way, that she quickly spins around to face him from where she is. Hot in her irritation, she doesn't even realise that she stood up from her pedestal.

' _Yes_!' she spits out the answer that he's asking for, mixing the sourness and current irritation for him all into that one word. 'I thought that, because I sometimes wonder if you think it.'

It feels unfair that she's the one who has to explain herself, when she did nothing wrong, but nonetheless, she has the urge to do it. Whether or not he says it to her face, or makes her feel responsible for the love of his life missing from his side, it doesn't take away the _possibility_ that he might think _like that_ sometimes. She's not in his head all the time, and so she can't know precisely what he thinks about and what he doesn't. Her closest bet, is wondering and sometimes assuming what he thinks about.

'I never do,' he tells her, his tone changing to something more stable as he takes some steps towards her. 'I never did,' he takes two other steps, increasing the stability in his voice as well. Then he takes one last step that brings him properly close to her, to finish with, 'And I _never_ will.'

As though pacified to perfect stability, her heart comes down from racing like a wild horse. Even the fear that had been hiding itself in her system, makes itself scarce. For her heart, his closeness and the significant change in the tone of his voice are enough to sway her to believe that everything is okay, without further explanation from him. But fortunately, her mind remains sober enough to think that she shouldn't give in to him that easily.

'And yet you tell me that you never want to see me again,' she counters his promise-like responses in an accusing tone, the memory stinging her to say.

He can't say that he never wants to see her again and feel that she's not to blame for Elena at the same time. It's impossible for both things to be concurrent.

She looks at him waiting for his response, waiting for what defence he has yet to bring out for her to hear. At first, as she looks at him, waiting for him to say something to her, she believes that he's thinking of something to say to her, that will effectively shut her up, but then after seeing his eyes slant just a little bit, she realises that he's got something else on his mind.

Showing a somewhat small rueful smile, Damon shuts his eyes for a second to ask, 'It's so easy to judge from the outside, isn't it?'

Only then, only after realising that he's not actually thinking of a defence like she initially thought, does it register in her mind that when it comes right down to it, she intricately knows Damon. And one of the most prominent things that she knows about him, is something of a mirror of herself, and that's the fact that when they want to be, they are both flawless experts at pretending, at acting to disguise the truth.

It dawns on her that he probably rehearsed a page of specific things to say to her, and even prepared special expressions to wear for her benefit, so that she wouldn't detect the truth behind the pretence. He did that once before, when she told him that she was leaving town with Enzo, to start over somewhere new, so she should've caught onto it sooner.

She's currently looking at an overwhelmed Damon; this is clearly a Damon with too much inside, that he feels nothing and also that he wouldn't be able to stop the flow of feelings once he opens the lid.

To think that she almost fell for his act… She should've known better, she silently reprimands herself.

'I'm not judging,' she tells him, moving her eyes away from his for a second for the slight shame with herself that she feels. 'I'm just pointing out a contradiction.'

When she returns her eyes to his, she finds him pointedly studying her face in a scrutinising way that makes her want to look away from him again, but she forces herself to stick to her resolve and keep her eyes in place.

'I just cleared point number one for you,' he finally says, bringing his eyes back to hers, 'so now let's play a game for a minute.'

Fine, she'll admit that he made her see that he didn't blame her for Elena, and apparently he doesn't plan on blaming her in the future either. He made her see that there are two sides to every story, but now he wants to play a game?

He must be joking!

Instead of explaining himself for saying things that hurt her some nights ago, and probably working his way up to an apology, he wants to play a game? What, he's not taking this seriously? He thinks all this is a normally casual conversation that holds no importance to her? Even if he rehearsed his lines before coming here, and he's saying everything that he's supposed to, to keep his true feelings hidden from her, can he say that she was there with him at his rehearsal? Does he think that she's going to follow his script like he thinks she will?

Regardless of knowing the truth about this act that he has going on for her, she can't make herself stand here and play a game. She begins to turn her back on him, to clearly express that she doesn't appreciate how lightly he's treating her feelings, but then, apparently reading her, Damon takes a quick step to swallow the little space between them as he closes his hand around her left wrist to keep her in place.

'Let's set this game immediately after our rough patch years ago,' he begins, sounding dangerously serious. 'Let's say that between me and that guy, he went to sleep while I stayed with you.'

His eyes burn into hers during the silence that follows his game suggestion, almost like his eyes mean to communicate that he will not let her go until she agrees no matter what. Feeling the burn from his eyes, she thinks that now she gets it, now she understands what he means by playing a game and what he means to explain by engaging her in it.

Funnily, she doesn't need him to continue with explaining the game to understand exactly what he means. She doesn't need him to guide her to see the mental role reversal, for her to see things from his side of things, instead of being an observer and judging from the outside. She doesn't need any of that, because she already gets it.

'I get it,' she flatly tells him, feeling close to drained. 'We don't have to play your game.'

She doesn't want to mentally try his shoes on, because it will hurt her more than it should. Now that she knows that her feelings for Damon are an actual unconditional love, regardless of whether he deserves her love or not, playing his game will hurt her like she won't be able to believe it can.

Ignoring her refusal to participate as though she didn't speak, Damon simply continues, 'So one day, you're suddenly told that I would never die some ten decades later as per plan…'

He suddenly releases her wrist then, but only so that he can apparently hold her face firmly between his hands to make her look at him the way that he wants her to look at him.

'Take your mind there, Bonnie,' he insistently says to her.

The way he speaks isn't violent, but something in his instructions makes her feel threatened in the kind of way that makes her feel like there's no escaping this, no matter what she tries to do.

'Close your eyes and _take_ your mind to the place I'm talking about,' he deeply says, maintaining the same violent-less commanding tone.

She's not going to close her eyes, she tells herself, forcing down a small lump that started to form in her throat. She's not taking part in this game, because she knows that it won't do her any good. For one thing, if she does play, it'll soften her heart way too much _towards_ Damon's favour, to the point where she'll find herself sympathising with him on how he _must've_ felt that night. And knowing herself, once she starts to sympathise with him, that sympathy will dissolve her own feelings of hurt into nothingness and then she'll let him off the hook.

'I won't,' she refuses softly, almost a little scared to speak the answer.

Again, Damon acts like he doesn't hear her speak, because he grips her face even harder, setting his facial expression to something firmer to pressingly say, 'I want you to imagine how your rational mind would immediately begin to think, and then distort things visually, emotionally and mentally.'

So that's what happened, she thinks, that's how he saw things when she returned from showing Flavia and her counterpart out of the house?

'Imagine looking at _me_ ,' he stresses the word, 'hoping to ask _me_ for help to shut your mind off, only to see that guy in front of you instead of me. You _didn't_ ask for it, you _didn't_ even wish to see that guy's face, but there he is, calmly looking at you, like he's silently pleading for you to release him from his sleep.'

A compact silence follows his words, and it's in that silence that his eyes –more than ever-urgently bore into hers with a deepness whose bottom doesn't seem capable of being reached. See, this _is_ why she refused to play his game in the first place.

'What would you think?' he finally asks as a conclusion, letting her face go too.

What would _she_ think?

At the time that she'd been with Enzo, she honestly believed that she loved him like he loved her, just like everyone else believed the same. Now, however, she knows better, because she, unlike him, knows _who_ she loves and who to put into which position. Damon probably thinks that Enzo would be the vampire that went to sleep, while he, her best friend remained with her, but that _isn't_ how it would be in her imagination. And for that reason, she doesn't want to participate in this game.

'Of course I understand what you mean, Damon,' she passionately agrees, speaking from her perceived would-be reaction, ' _but_ to just say what you did and then ignore me for days, isn't _right_.'

She understands what it must've been like for him that night, but that shouldn't have been an excuse to keep her in the dark even _three_ days after everything. He should've been better than that, because he is better than that!

'I don't know if you were punishing me for getting in contact with Kai,' she tells him as she steps back to put some space between them, 'or if you really meant what you said about not ever wanting to see me again, but either way you should've made it clear.'

The calls, the voice messages and the text messages, were all her ways of trying to get final clarity of where she stood with him, but he never got back to her, so to this moment, she still doesn't know how it is. She needs clarity so that she can decide what to do from here, so that she knows where to go.

Almost robotically, after hearing her say that, his face instantly changes and he returns his voice to the low tone from before. It's like the timer on him ran out, bringing him back to his normal state without warning.

'I cleared point number two,' he gets out. 'Now, did you or did you not promise Elena seventy years?'

Seriously? He's just going to ignore giving her the information that she wants from him? He's not going to give her definite answer even now? Looking at him with those questions in her head, she starts to contemplate writing this whole encounter off, and gathering her bags to leave right now.

'Bonnie,' he pronounces to get her to answer him, apparently impatient to wait. 'Did you make that promise or not?'

She suddenly feels like crying. The answer to is not exactly something that she wants to admit, least of all now that she knows that come the seventieth year, she'll still be as young as she is now. Admitting that she only has seventy years before everything turns to dust for her, is emotionally draining even to think about, especially when she remembers that she can't be a normal human being during all that time.

Biting her lip and closing her eyes to force her tears in, she quietly answers, 'You know I did.'

She doesn't hear him close the distance between them, she only feels Damon's finger under her chin as it slowly lifts her face to a certain angle, making her open her eyes.

'And do you or don't you plan on keep that promise to Elena, even now?' he wants to know, slanting his head to the side for some reason.

He really knows where to press, doesn't he? Why doesn't he just go straight to the point of saying what he needs to say, without making her answer questions by first putting her in a position where she starts seeing the answer from his point of things before she even gives it to him? Why does he have to know her in such a way that he knows where to touch for results? Her desire to cry increases because of it.

'Answer me,' Damon deeply presses for an answer, moving so close to her that their bodies are pressed together.

'What does it matter?' she asks him in a strangled tone.

She honestly wants to know how it matters that she keeps her promise, since she was always going to keep anyway; he knows that. Her eyes that stubbornly refuse to move from his, see him flinch and the expression on his face change completely, as though she said the worst possible wrong thing to him.

'It matters, Bonnie,' he hastily rasps, making it sound like she just diverted his planned course of conversation, 'because I _know_ how you think. I _know_ how much honouring Elena means to you. I _know_ how much honouring your friends, means to you. I saw Elena's face on your body for three seconds tops,' he tells her, holding up three fingers to indicate the amount of time, 'before I snapped out of it, but I couldn't forgive myself for it. I couldn't endure looking at your face and risk seeing Elena, so yeah, I lied… I had to lie to hurt you to make you hate me, so it would be easier to end things with you.'

A little more than shocked, Bonnie stares at him with thinning eyes. That's how he reasoned that night? Because he saw Elena's face on her and he immediately realised how wrong it was, he decided that it was better to lie to her so that she could hate him? Not only that, he also thought that so he could cut her from his life?

'I don't know if it sucks more to know that you have little faith in me,' she says after a sniff, 'or that you can easily decide to end our friendship without talking to me first.'

The idea… The idea that he could just… The idea that he just… She can't even think about it properly enough to complete a sentence, because… The idea is just…

Slightly moving back and letting out short annoyed laugh, he asks, 'Talk to you first? Ha-ha-ha, Bonnie, when did you become a comedian? Do you want to guess how _many_ sentences into _that_ conversation, you would've made it clear that you have no intention of breaking your promise to Elena?'

It's moments like this, that she resents that he knows her so much, because she can never get away with anything to save herself. She can't even defend herself from that, because in the deepest of her soul, she knows that he's right. Feeling small and unfairly uncovered, she shyly creeps back from him.

'I know you, Bonnie,' he sighs out defeatedly. 'And more than that, I know my own heart's weaknesses. If you tell me that you're going to live seventy years and then willingly die for Elena to return, even now as we stand, my heart probably wouldn't object. It matters if you plan to keep your promise, because I need you to understand that by sticking around you, I might even _ask_ you to honour your promise some twenty years down the line. It's not what my mind wants to do, but my heart might want that. It's safer to not see you so that I never have to ask you to sacrifice your life for my sake.'

 _I never want to see you again_ , she remembers him saying. It had hurt like a bullet to the heart to hear that come out of his mouth, but with the reasoning now, she just…

'Would it have killed you to tell me that eleven days ago?' she wants to know in a whisper, tears burning in her soul.

Instead of hurtfully showing all that, why didn't he just pick up the phone and explain it to her exactly like that? Why was it so easy for him to just hurt her by disconnecting from her?

'I'm Damon,' he replies in a whisper too, as if he's a disappointment with himself. 'I feel and then react, and then only think. That's who Damon is.'

Shaking her head, because she's unable to believe that about him, she answers with, 'I know _you_ , Damon. Tell that to other people, but not to me.'

She knows all the parts that he tries to disguise, and especially how after all this time, he hasn't found a good and normal way to deal with his Elena feelings. He doesn't keep them inside, but he doesn't address them as he should either. Remembering this, she can't really fault him for reacting the way he did, even though it wasn't right of him to do it that way exactly.

Only laughing at first, laughing like he finds her words ironic, more than he's laughing out of mirth, Damon runs his eyes all over her.

'So since you know me so well, Bonnie,' he starts, the laugh still detectable in his voice, 'why don't you tell me what I should do? Please, go ahead, be my intelligence and tell me what I should do.'

Oh gosh, she realises as she evaluates him as a whole with his reaction and expression, he's _really_ begging her to tell him what he should do. He's not just saying it, he's actually asking her to tell him what he should do, because he doesn't trust himself to do the right thing. It rips at a part of her to see him reduced to that.

'Damon…' she breathes, unable to continue with more.

'Tell me what I should do, Bonnie,' he continues dryly. 'I haven't desiccated, because you would hate me for it, and I can't leave town, because you're here, but now you want to leave, so I don't know what to do there... Apart from sleeping all day and pretending like I'm not alive, what the hell else am I supposed to do, Bonnie? _Tell me_ what I should do.'

He wants her to tell him what he should do? He wants to dump all of his responsibility onto her, so that he isn't responsible for damaging one of their lives; neither hers, nor Elena's? He really wants to put her in a position where she's the one that makes the ultimate choice for him? For his life? Because in the end, he'll be the only one who gets to live through all of it with either of them.

If that's all he wants, then he shouldn't have to look further than his phone for that answer. But, instead of telling him that, she's overcome by an equal measure of strangling frustration and uncertainty for her future that forces her to shove him very hard away from her.

'You know I can't do that,' she gets out through gritted teeth.

She's frustrated with the idea of being given the power of decision, because she would never ask him to be selfish for her sake. She'd want the power to be selfish, but she would never ask him to make a decision for her own desires.

'If I could,' she uses her magic to appear directly in front of him to shove him back again, 'I'd tell you to spend these seventy years _loving me_ , like I love you.'

She's uncertain of her future, because by refusing to tell him what to do, she's leaving it up to him to decide her future, and he just made it clear that his heart is too weak to make the right decision.

'I'd tell you _that_ , if I could,' she completes, shoving him one last time as she's on the verge of tears, 'But I can't.'

Belatedly, Damon only _then_ staggers back. Unlike when she shoved him away from her, when he moved without staggering, he does now, as if to say that her words emitted a force so strong that it pushed him back against his will.

'Wait…' he chokes out, line after line forming on his face to make a fresh frowning picture.

He stares at her like he's seeing her for the first time, and yet so familiar with her that he's expecting something from her. How can he just look at her like he's expecting more, when she's the one who expects more from him than he can give her?

'That thing Caroline said about you loving me is real?' he asks, sounding like he's asking for clarity.

'Did you say all that you needed to say?' is her immediate response to his question.

Before it escalates again, she's putting a lid on this situation, because she's also an expert at hiding her feelings and putting on an act.

'Answer my question,' he says, walking back to her.

While he walks back to her, she goes to the window to hold the curtain open.

'You hurt me, Damon,' she passively lets him know. 'You hurt my feelings, and then you came here, not even to apologise for the way you treated me, but to clear some points that you obviously thought… I just want you to leave.'

It's not purely that she wants him to leave, it's mostly that she doesn't want them to talk about her love for him, because it won't yield any fruit anyway. She hasn't been hopeful for love where she and Damon are concerned, and she won't stand here with that same Damon and discuss something that won't make a difference. She knows where she stands with him, and there's nothing to discuss about it. She accidently let it slip that she wants him to love her, but she will not entertain it with him, not even for a millisecond.

'Answer me first,' he tries in a hoarse plea as he follows her to the window.

'I need you to leave,' she firmly maintains her position.

Reaching her at the window, he lifts his hand to try and reach out to touch her, but she moves out of the way. Instead of dropping his hand, he takes a step into her and reaches further up to try and touch her, but she still moves out of the way. This time, he drops his hand, apparently realising that he won't get to touch her today.

'If you love me like that,' he softly tells her, 'then it changes everything, so please answer me. Please, Bonnie.'

His eyes implore her more than his pleading words do, and if she really believed that knowing whether she loves him like that or not changes everything in the way that she wants it to matter, she would answer him without a second thought, but she doesn't.

They say that dead hearts can't be revived. Damon's heart is dead to the rest of the world except to Elena. Who is she to fool herself into believing that Damon's dead heart to everyone else, will be revived simply because she has love in her heart, that she yearns to give him? No, she's not stupid enough to delude herself like that.

'Please leave. I won't ask you again,' she says one last time.

Resigning at last, he gives her a small nod, and despite their closeness, it suddenly feels like there's a space between them that nothing in the world can fill. She feels like if she's not careful, she'll fall into the space… It doesn't make sense, because from her end, it doesn't seem like either of them are winning anyway. Instead, it feels more like they're equally measured and vulnerable to falling into the nameless space between them.

'Before you leave,' he begs, 'before you do anything, _just_ give me one day, that's _all_ I'm asking.'

After that plea, he transforms to his crow form to fly through the window, leaving her there to… To stare at the now empty space that he'd been occupying.

One day? What does he need one day for? If he couldn't figure out what to do these past days, what difference will one day make?

* * *

Chapter 5, **Everlasting Memories.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5, **Everlasting Memories.**

* * *

Even as he floats out through her window, he thinks to fly back in and lay her revelation down between them, for both of them to look at it and take it in. It doesn't make sense to him, how she can just say something like that and then expect him to forget about it, like it's nothing. Like it doesn't change a single thing between and around them.

Because it _does_ change everything.

And because of that, he can't just leave her like that, not when he knows that the love that she has for him is _that_ kind of love. The kind of love that's vulnerable and fulfilling at same time, and she has it for him. _Him_ of all people.

No, if he leaves now, even if she's the one who asked him to, she'll take it to mean that he doesn't care about her feelings. She'll think that her feelings mean nothing to him, when they do. After all of these eight years, her feelings do matter to him. A lot.

No, he has to go back, he thinks, rotating in the air and then shooting right back to her room at full speed, to land on her window sill like he did the first time. She can throw him out again if that's what she wants, but he won't let this go. He can't let this go.

His eyes find her at the same spot that he left her when he flew out of her room, and for that, he feels his heart do a small somersault. He thought for sure that she would've left the room, but the fact that she's still standing where he left her, appearing like she didn't move even a fraction, makes his heart react like that.

'Bonnie,' he calls her name for her attention, only to hear a strangled squawk in his ears.

Right, he thinks with a little frustration, he's _still_ a bird.

He momentarily forgot that he's in his crow form. Apparently his tiny crow heart's reaction tricked his mind into believing the lie that he's in his usual vampire self, making him call out her name to get her to look his way.

'I thought I told you to leave, Damon,' dejectedly comes from her.

Her tone and the way she doesn't turn to face him, tells him that she doesn't have any fight left within her. If he's right, it even sounded like she's a word crying silent tears that carry more weight they actually do.

'I can't just leave,' he tries to say again, but still, a longer squawk than the first one comes from his beak.

He nearly curses for the frustration that he feels of not being able to talk to her in words that she can understand, and he nearly decides to change back into himself, but her next words stop him.

'You asked me for a day, Damon,' she tells him, 'and I'm giving it to you. The least you can do in return, is leave like I asked you to. I can't do this with you right now, so please just...'

If more pleading words have ever torn his crow heart into indecision before, he'll have to search his brain for them, because he can't ever recall feeling this torn in his crow form. Over the centuries that he's lived, he's heard countless emotional things said that tugged at his tiny crow heart, yet none of them left him this divided.

While on the one hand he wants to give in to what she's asking –return a favour for a favour-, he also doesn't want to just leave without a fight, without stressing to her the importance of her feelings to him. At the same time that he doesn't want to fight with her on the subject, he also feels like she's worth the fight of staying.

Which is he supposed to choose?

He can't decide, he reminds himself, that's why he's here in the first place. If he could decide, if he knew what to do, he wouldn't be indecisive about something as simple as leaving or not leaving right now. If he could choose, he wouldn't be seeking for a way to talk to Bonnie, so that she can help him make the right decision in the end. That's why he asked for a day, to try and gather his thoughts, to think... But now apparently, he thinks talking about her feelings for him will compensate for the day he previously asked for...

What is wrong with him? He needs to get his head together, he can't say one thing and then decide another thing two seconds later, there's no consistency in that. He has, for both their sakes, to fly out the window and use the time that he asked for.

But first...

He carefully flies over to her front, taking care not to startle her. When he comes around to her, he doesn't dare look up at her face, because he doesn't want to see it. He's afraid that if he sees her face, he'll lose the courage to leave like he's supposed to do. Instead, he flies up to her shoulder, using his crow version of feet to move closer to her neck, so that he can lightly rub the top of his head on the side of her face. It's his little way of saying that he cares, even though he's leaving now.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

Two hours later, he stands in front of the boarding house in his human form, looking at it intently while he tries to justify the decision that he's come to. He's separated his emotions from the equation, only to have his mind do the reasoning here.

This house has belonged to his family for generations. It's a house that holds value, even to him, but that's the point, he ruefully thinks. Precisely because it holds value to him especially, it's perfect.

With a bottle of gasoline in one hand and a lighter in the other, he's fully prepared to burn the house down to the ground. He's ready to watch the flames eat the house away, until not even the foundation is left standing.

That's what he's going to do; he's going to set the house on fire.

When he comes face to face with Bonnie later on, and it's time to make the decision between her and Elena, burning down the house will count in his favour. If he makes the wrong choice between the two, he can proudly stand and say that _at least_ he did something worse than make the wrong choice between Bonnie and Elena.

He has to do something terrible, something unforgivable, like setting their valued family home on fire, so that at the end of the day, he can tell himself that it's worse than the other decision.

He brings both of his hands in front of him, to take a final look at the aids, but as he stares at them, he realises that the fire will be doing the _dirty work for_ him, leaving him with nothing to brag about. Yes, he'd light the fire and the fire would destroy, but he wouldn't be able to take credit for burning the house down.

Besides, he lets out a long sigh of defeat, even if he could take credit for burning down the house, it wouldn't compare in any way to the lives of Bonnie and Elena. Heck, even a massacre wouldn't compare at this point.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

Okay, he tries again, maybe what he needs to do, is save a life.

So he couldn't burn down the boarding house, because it wouldn't have made for the worst choice in comparison, but maybe saving a life is what he needs to do, instead of making a stupidly reckless decision.

Maybe he should go around town and see if he can find a little girl with a cat stuck up in the tree somewhere. He needs to do some corny hero stuff… like maybe helping an old lady down the street to prevent her from being hit by a truck.

Maybe he needs to save a life, so that at the end of it, he can say that he lost one life, but saved another. Or better yet, he could save ten lives, that way nine more lives will make up the life that he loses after he's made his choice.

That's better, right?

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

He didn't realise that trying to save a life could take so long, and even after so much time, he still didn't get to save a life.

Since when was everything ever all right in Mystic Falls, that no life needed to be saved? Seriously.

But anyway, he tells himself as he plumps down onto his bed, taking his unopened bottle of alcohol with him, never mind his failed attempts of compensation, because he's figured it out now.

His hand unscrews the bottle cap, immediately bring the bottle to his mouth to pour a long current of liquid down his throat. He sloppily swallows it all, giving off the air that he's a man with nothing to lose, which makes it acceptable for him to do whatever he likes and in whatever way he likes.

In a way, he doesn't have anything to lose anymore, not when he's put it together that he's been going about this the wrong way. He shouldn't do something horrific, just like he shouldn't save a life, what he _should_ do, is eliminate the problem.

If the problem isn't there, there aren't consequences, right? No repercussions, no accusations?

He wonders, taking another sloppy swig from his bottle, do suicide victims think like this? Like him, they probably realise that by taking themselves out, all will be calm and well with the world again. Dying would be so easy, because he won't be expected to make choices that he doesn't have the intelligence to, and he definitely wouldn't be there to live with the aftermath of said choices.

Another swig makes its way down his throat as his eyes roam around his room.

It would be so easy to take his own life. Actually, no, he quickly rebuts, it wouldn't be easy to take his life, because it would be extremely lengthy and painful. He wouldn't like to stand in the sun and wait through the many minutes for his flesh to burn off his bones. He wouldn't like to rip his own heart out either, or drive a stake through it, so…

Wincing a little at the thought of sticking his own hand into his own chest, to pull out his own heart, he takes in a larger dose of alcohol to numb the wince. However, instead of numbing the wince, he's reminded of something that alcohol can't take away, and that's the fact that no one dies alone; there's always that one other person in the world that dies along with them. So, if he eliminates himself, he'll be taking someone else with him.

Feeling drained, he releases the bottle from his hand and lets his back fall back on the bed leaving his eyes to stare up his ceiling.

What is he going to do now? It's already been seven hours.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

Should he go and talk to his brother? Should he go and ask his little brother for advice, for direction? Should he be shameless and forget that he's the older brother, the one who is supposed to have more wisdom and experience?

The real question is, will his brother even talk to him?

Should he go and talk to Elena instead? Should he go and tell her what Kai really did, and how _he_ has to make the ultimate choice all over again? Does he even have the strength to tell her that he isn't capable of making a choice? Will he be able to tell her that where he once wouldn't have thought about selecting anything else over her, it's a different now?

But again, the real question is, will talking to someone that can't answer back, let alone whose face he wouldn't be able to see, make any difference at all?

Maybe he should just go back to his previous routine of sleeping all day. It's already dark anyway, past eight in fact, so it wouldn't be hard to fall asleep.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

For ten minutes, he tried to fall asleep in his own bed, but he couldn't. That's why in the end, he's sitting here outside her house. He'll sit outside her house like this until his twenty-four hours are up, and when she comes out of her house, he'll tell her the truth.

He didn't come to a decision. He should've, but he didn't.

How could he have come to a decision when he didn't have a sit down with her, when he didn't get to talk about her feelings for him with her?

For goodness' sake, she loves him? When did that happen, and why did he miss it? He thought he knew everything about her. He saw how far beyond her limits she could go with him, but apparently, he was the one who set a limit for her in his head, that she couldn't possibly get a point where she loved him.

He needs to talk to her, he just really needs to talk to her, because apparently before he does, he can't even think properly. He thought he could do it, he thought he could use the day to analyse things and weigh his options. He thought he would use the day to reflect on his time with her to reach some sort of ground where he'd know exactly what to do, but, he didn't. All he managed to do today, was think of ideas that he didn't follow through with, and-

'What are _you_ doing here?' interrupts his thoughts.

How he wishes that was Bonnie's voice instead of Caroline's. It would've poured over his heart like warm chocolate to know that she came out of her house to see him. He would've liked that she was the one talking to him now.

It's funny how being a vampire with sharp senses, he failed to notice Caroline approach him. It doesn't even matter if he noticed her not, he thinks while he looks up at her in front of him, it doesn't make any difference either way.

Although he looks at her, he doesn't know how to answer the question, so he keeps quiet, to which she responds with an irritated, 'Pft!'

His eyes follow her as she walks past him to the door, wondering if he should talk to her instead. Earlier, he contemplated talking to Stefan and then Elena, wouldn't it technically be relieving to talk to her? Maybe she could point him in the right direction.

'She wants me to love her,' he chooses to try the chance.

There, he's said it, it's out in the open now. He only needs to hear a response .

As a response, another, 'Pft,' comes from her, as though she couldn't be bothered to care. When he hears her hand close around the door handle, getting ready to open the door, it sinks in for him that he can't let her leave him out here.

He doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't know what he's been doing these last days. He doesn't have perspective. He can't set his focus enough to settle on one thought and dissect it properly. He's really only a bad decision waiting to explode, and the way he knows himself, he knows that if he doesn't talk about this Bonnie thing with anyone, he'll not be fixed. Bonnie knows this about him.

He's going to try one last time.

'The scary thing is,' he breathes out, 'I think I can.'

 _That_ apparently gets her attention, because he hears her hand let the handle go before she comes back to take a seat beside him. Surprising him, she doesn't shift the other way when their shoulders touch. Considering how hotly she came down on him this morning, he expected that she wouldn't give him the time. Although she doesn't say anything in reply to him, looking at her, he gets the feeling that she came back to sit next to him to help him get the talking release that he needs.

The problem is, though, where should he start the talking?

'If I didn't think that I could,' he confesses in her silence, 'I wouldn't even be like this...' he pauses to look into her eyes, for her to see that he's telling the truth. '...and I wouldn't have saved her that day.'

If he thinks back to that wedding day, in that hall, when she was lying on the floor and Kai told them what he'd done, he knows that it would've been so easy to let her die. He could've easily staged a fight with Kai while she was busy dying, and she wouldn't have been the wiser about it. The whole thing would've been so easy to conduct; let Bonnie die and then kill Kai afterwards… He would've come out blameless, but he chose, _he_ , Damon Salvatore chose to save her instead of picking Elena.

Thankfully, Caroline remains quiet, as if she knows exactly that her silence is a precious gem that he can't afford to lose right now. He isn't too sure what input from her will do to him.

'I remember turning my back to walk away,' he tells her. 'I wasn't going to leave, I just needed to step away from the situation to clear my head, but instead of clearing my head, I saw myself looking for her, but she wasn't there…'

'Elena?' Caroline tentatively asks.

Choosing to ignore her, he carries on talking. 'I kept looking for her and the more I looked, the deeper this thirst to find her grew. I wanted to find her so badly that I just knew that I couldn't let her die.'

It'd been a lot more intricate than what he's telling Caroline now. That one time when he made a decision independent, and yet so closely dependent of his own heart's will, marks one of the few everlasting memories that he will ever have in his mind.

'I figured you were talking about Bonnie,' she comments quietly, making it sound like she's speaking a secret to him.

Not for mirth, he lets a sound that's a mix between a short laugh and a scoff.

'Yeah?' he watches her closely. 'Do you also figure that I have a crush on her?'

In his head, all the signs are there, and it's so easy for him to believe that he has a crush on her. He may not have realised it, because they've been best friends for so long, but after all this, he believes that he does a have a crush on Bonnie. If he didn't have a crush on her, he wouldn't be scared by the idea that he _could_ love her.

Quietly, he waits for her to give him answer, but she only looks at him, apparently hesitant to speak. That gives him his answer, he doesn't need to hear her say it.

'That's enough confirmation, I guess,' he resigns, looking the other way.

'Damon…' she starts, sounding hesitant to speak.

'I know, I know,' he agrees without looking back at her. 'I shouldn't have a crush on my best friend, who just happens to be my girlfriend's best friend too.'

Gently a hand comes to land on his forearm, making him turn his eyes to her.

Starting with a sigh as if to say that he doesn't get it, she says, 'Damon, people with crushes talk about dreamy eyes and knee weakening smiles, but you…' she lets out another sigh.

This previous sigh, he can't interpret, because he doesn't know where she's going with her words.

'Look, Damon,' she continues, 'if I didn't see it for myself how many times you proved your love for her, I wouldn't even be mad at you for hurting Bonnie. I wouldn't be in your corner trying to knock some sense into you. You share something more intimate and connecting with Bonnie,' she tells him, 'and that's not what a crush is. That's what people in love have.'

Love?

Wow, he expected her to tell him that he's a dirty guy for having feelings for someone that he's not supposed to, but apparently, _he loves Bonnie_. He should be feeling dazed, thrown even, but oddly, he _can_ believe that. He's not saying that he believes it, but he _can_.

As he's thinking of something to say to her, she rises, telling him, 'I was going to go in there and see how she's doing, but I think you've got this. Right?'

Right, he thinks uncertainly, but for her, he gives a small nod. It's the least he can do after what she did for him.

'I've got it,' he replies, even though he really doesn't.

* * *

Chapter 6, **Final Frontier.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6, **Final Frontier.**

* * *

It's Damon.

Her eyes run down his frame only once, to give her mind the confirmation that it's really him standing there, but that once is all that's needed for her feeble heart to react. If only her suddenly bursting heart didn't give her away _all_ the time. It already gave her away when he came through her window, so what part does it have giving her away now again?

'Hi,' softly comes out of his mouth, a weak smile proceeding the greeting.

Great, she thinks as she tries to focus her eyes on something other than his face. Now he's got that look on his face that's telling her that he's completely putting himself at her mercy. He can't do that to her! After how badly she hurt during the past days because of him, he can't just show up on her doorstep and place himself in her hand.

And for goodness sake, will her heart get a grip already!

When she heard a knock sound on her door, she didn't for one second think that it would be someone that she knows. Although Caroline had called earlier to tell her that she would be coming over, she knew that her friend didn't need to knock to get into her house. She believed that she would open the door to find a stranger standing there, but instead, she finds the one being that she didn't even consider to imagine would be standing outside her door, waiting for her to invite him into her house.

Maybe that's why her heart is misbehaving.

'May I come in?' he asks, making her involuntarily turn her attention back to him.

He has never, for as long as they've been friends, afforded her the courtesy of privacy. He has never apparently felt the need to knock where she's been concerned, much less when it came to the entrance and exit of her house. This is the first time since they became friends, that she's ever heard him ask such a question.

She's almost tempted to spite him and say no, and then shut the door in his face to make him feel what she felt when he ignored her, however, she doesn't. Her heart won't let her do that to him. Also, if he came to knock on her door instead of entering without her permission, it must be for a very good reason, which must be to give her his final choice, obviously.

She can't believe that this is what it's come down to between them. It's heartbreaking even to think about, so much so that her previously misbehaving heart calms itself down, to silently curl in its place without letting out so much as a twitch.

Why does something as natural as loving him, hurt her like this? Why does it have such power to drain her and tire her out with just one thought?

'What's your verdict, Damon?' she flatly chooses to ask after not finding strength inside her to entertain his presence for longer than she has to.

Immediately, his face contorts painfully, giving off the picture of someone in mental torment. Even as he takes half a step into the house, the look on his deepens.

'Bonnie, don't-' he hoarsely begins to say.

'No, Damon,' she cuts him off, taking a full step backwards to keep herself away from him, ' _you_ don't. Let's just treat this like what it is. I don't want to prolong this, to be honest. I just want it to be over, so let's not drag this on.'

She's _so_ tired right now. Her heart just… it doesn't even have the will to fight just a little more. She's just so tired… If the kind of tired that she is could be fixed by a simple sigh, she would sigh to let it all out, but that's not the kind of tired that she is.

She's tired, because she loves him more than he can ever guess to understand, and she would rather not listen to him talk about conditionals and could've been instances right before he gently lets her down. For her own sake, she needs to know where to go from here, so that she can progress with her life. And for that to happen, she needs the band-aid ripped off right off the bat for an immediate effect.

Either he reads her perfectly, or he wants the same thing that she does, because he quietly agrees, 'Okay,' with a small nod and a slightly fallen expression.

'Okay,' she breathes out her relief in return.

She's not some shamelessly hopeful person who believes in fairytale endings for herself, even though her heart is as weak as they come when it comes to Damon. It's true that she stayed in Mystic Falls for him, that in the end, she chose not to leave with Enzo because of him. She gave up on a man who loved her more than he loved his own life, a man that called her his gift, to remain behind for him, Damon Salvatore. But that has never meant that she believes in the possibility of her and him being together like _that_.

Even now, she knows that despite having earnestly asked for a day, despite having said that the fact that she loves him changes everything, she knows that she can't dare to think that he has good news for her. On the contrary, she didn't give him the chance to speak, because she already knows what he's going to say; she only needs to hear the words for that _final_ nail to hit home.

But she would be lying if she said that it doesn't do anything to her.

'That was the last time that I hurt you, Bonnie,' he soberly tells her from where he is, as though he won't dare to enter further without her permission. 'I swear won't ever do it again.'

 _Right_ , she thinks, pulling a small sniff. He sounded sincere enough, but sometimes, meaning something in the moment doesn't mean that it will come to pass exactly that way. With him, she has that experience. And also, her expected outcome for this, what they're standing around waiting for, will hurt her. His decision _will_ hurt her.

'You looked like that,' he says to her, partially showing her a contrite smile.

There's something about the way that he said that, that properly tugs at her heartstrings. She can't make out of it's the saddened note in his tone, or the wincing face that he makes, that violins her heart from its sullen corner. From feeling tired to being moved with compassion, she swears, only Damon has that effect over her heart. Only, she can't ever decide if that's a good or bad thing.

'When you said that you would tell me to love you,' he clarifies, 'that's _how_ you looked at me. There was a lot more emotion, but the disbelief is exactly the same as now. Apparently,' he lets out a sound that's not quite a laugh, but somehow is, 'you don't have faith in me, do you, Bonnie?'

What? How is that even a question from him, she wonders through a small puzzled frown.

Of course she has faith in him, she's always had faith in him. What she doesn't have faith in, is the idea that he could be capable of loving _her_. He's never given her a reason to believe that he could love her, so why does he expect her to have faith in _that_? Especially on top of telling her that he never wants to see her again, and then disappearing for days. What about any of that, gives her the conviction enough to have faith for love from him?

'You're making it sound like those two things are the same,' she strainedly rebuts, feeling the need to defend herself. 'You can't say that I don't have faith in you, when I've been here all this time with you. It's just that I don't believe that you can love me, and you can't blame me for believing that.'

It's been years for goodness' sake. She's shown him so many times in the past that she loved –loves- him, but still he didn't notice. During all those years, Elena has always remained in his heart, and not once did he ever give her a hint that he would like to make room for someone else.

'I know why you don't believe that,' he accepts and then steps inside, pulling the door closed behind him, so that he can lean his back on it.

With that action, it's almost like he's telling her that none of them will leave the house until they settle this. So much for thinking that this would be over in a second and she could decide what to do with her life from there.

She silently eyes him, wondering what he's going to say next. She knows it'll have the name Elena in it, but she doesn't know how he'll use that name. There's the life link issue, she knows that, it's just that she doesn't know if that's what he's going to say.

First folding his arms, he intently gazes at her to let out a smooth sentence, 'But you're wrong, Bonnie, I _can_ love you.'

Huh?

Without her conscious attention, she pulls in a soft breath to meet what Damon just said to her, simultaneously blinking a few times and opening her mouth just a little as if she's preparing to say something, but can't manage to make herself speak.

' _I can love you, Bonnie_ ,' he repeats, more stably than before, emitting such confidence that even a cynic would drop to their knees in surrender to his words.

'Hmmph,' is all that manages to come from her, she finds that she can't open her mouth and her face suddenly feels numb.

'I can't promise, and I don't know if it will be in the same way as I love Elena,' he returns his voice to a smooth tone again, 'but I know that I _can_ love you. Caroline thinks that I already love you, so, if that's what you really want, then that's what I'll give you.'

As he spoke, she watched him carefully, to catch swift changes in the expressions on his face, so that she could read what he was not saying with words. Reading him has always been something that she relied on more than his words, because that gave him away in the way that his words didn't dare to betray him.

She didn't read a contradiction on his face, however, she is still sceptical that he decided that, and so she asks a quietly surprised, 'Just like that?'

'What's left to talk about?' he wants to know. 'I clearly already made my choice between you and Elena once, so _don't_ expect me to do it again. This time, it's _your_ turn to make a choice between me and Elena, and who knows, maybe the third time around, it'll be Elena who makes the choice between you and me.'

It's just too easy, she tries to convince herself. She remembers that she didn't want to have a long winded conversation, when he could just deliver her verdict once, but now that he's given her his choice, she can't help it want to think that it just seems too easy. Unbelievably easy.

This is Damon for crying out loud, the most she expected from him was an explanation about how he loves Elena with all that he had, and that he didn't see himself immediately being able to love her as more than a friend, but he would try if she would be patient enough to wait for him to do it. She didn't expect him to just tell her that he's ready to love her like she wants him to.

'Let's not drag this on, Bon,' he repeats her words to her in a light tone, probably to lighten the silence that hangs between them.

 _Make your choice_ , is what she hears floating in the air, and she lets out some air from her mouth.

This is it, she decides, the final frontier between leaving while she still can and crossing over to a land that she could never reach before now. The words that come out of her mouth next, will determine her future, and even Damon's, because he gave her the right to choose for him.

It's funny how instead of feeling like she's under pressure and overflowing with anxiety, she feels perfectly calm within herself. As opposed to how temperamental her heart had been from the beginning, this calm peace inside her, seems suspicious to her. That is, until she really takes a breath and look at Damon before her.

It dawns on her then, that this is Damon. It's Damon. He's her best friend and there isn't anything about him that she hasn't seen, literally. She knows all there is to know about him, all his limits and weaknesses, but most of all, she doesn't have to be anyone other than herself with him. That's why she's at peace.

What's happening between her and Damon right now, isn't some scripted movie scene that should be wrung out to linger for as long as possible; it's real life and real life –at least with them sometimes- is just abrupt and to the point.

'Seventy years,' she finally evenly tells him, crossing her arms, 'starting now, that I get to love you like I want to. That's what I want.'

Damon narrows his eyes to ask, 'Seventy years?'

And _there_ it is.

The amount of time it will take for her to live out her life, is something that he admitted some hours ago that he can't decide for her. She knew that he wouldn't just accept it.

'I don't intend to break my promise, if that's what you want to know,' she firmly makes it clears for him. 'Elena deserves to live, and if I was in her place, I'd want the same thing for myself.'

If there's one thing in her life that she can't deny, is that for some incomprehensible reason, has this mortal fear of her dying. She's never been able to understand why his mind could never come to reconcile with the idea of her death, but she's always known that he has it, and that would probably never leave him. Whatever things he did or didn't do and say to her, that fact is the one constant that she knows about him.

'Take it or leave it,' she lays out her ultimatum.

For an answer, he barely moves his head in a nod.

'Listen Damon,' she says, 'if you think you can love me, if you want to love me, then do it, but be here.'

Not with Elena. She knows what she's getting into. She knows that he has this insatiable love for Elena, but what is she supposed to do with the love that she has for him? If she could get rid of it, she would've done it years ago.

If all she has are seventy years, why can't _she_ live them living the life that makes her happy as opposed to living a life of longing and wondering? She's died and has been close to death more times than the fingers on her hands, for once, can she just do one thing with just herself in mind?

Again, for an answer, he only nods, giving off the impression that he can't form words to respond to her.

'Okay,' she breathes out, glad that it's out now.

Thinking about it, she should actually be dancing in her head and beaming like a light bulb at the thought that she and Damon just agreed to be in an actual relationship. She should be all sounds and colours of ecstatic right now, but she doesn't know, for now, she's just glad that they've reached an agreement.

Maybe the ecstasy will kick in later. Much later when she's all by herself and her thoughts are her only company.

'So…' she tries to find a natural course of conversation for them.

Yes, he just agreed to be with her, but that isn't necessarily the beginning of sparks for them. Like she thought before, she's seen everything there is to see about him, all that's missing from their relationship are the more physically expressive acts, and she doesn't expect that will come tonight, so there's no point in acting like the world just fell into place in a major way.

Lifting his back off the door and then uncrossing his arms, her tells her, 'I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to, you have to believe that. I just didn't know what to do or think. I'm really sorry that I hurt you.'

Before she can think to analyse his sincerity, Damon appears in front of her and then gently pulls her into his arms. He presses her flush against him as though to both embrace her for giving him this chance, and because he wants to feel close to her again.

Not by her own mental command, a partly chocked sigh escapes through her lips when her head touches his body. It feels like such a long time ago that he was this close to her, that it almost feels like she forgot how it feels like.

'Forgive me, Bon,' he pleads in a whisper. 'I swear I'll never hurt you again.'

He did hurt her, she thinks, he shouldn't have made her feel like that for as long as he did. And he shouldn't have made her feel like he wanted her to die so that he could have Elena back, but what can she do? He's got his arms around her, and he swore never to hurt her again, on top of giving her his word that he'll love her, how in the world is she supposed to hold on to her past feelings?

'You're my best friend Bonnie,' he tries again. 'You mean the world to me and I'll never do anything to ruin that again. Plus,' he lets out a small chuckle, 'how am I supposed to love you if you don't forgive me?'

Damon. He just knows where to press, doesn't he, she thinks, fighting a smile. Maybe she should make him beg a little more, for her own amusement. But just as soon as she thinks that, she feels herself being pulled away from his arms. She quickly realises that Damon pulled them apart to look into her eyes.

'Forgive me,' he asks almost too softly to be called a whisper.

It's not even the needy hint in his whisper of a request that finally does her in, it's the open doors of his soul reflected in his eyes that moves her to resignation.

'It's going to take a few fancy dates,' she tells him with a soft teasing smile, 'to a few fancy places to get my forgiveness.'

A light goes on inside his eyes, shining even past the open doors of his soul, and giving her the old Damon back. Her Damon.

'That's all?' he asks, mirroring her teasing smile. 'For a while there I thought you were going to say something easy like impress you, because we both know how easy that would've been for me, seeing as you're a basic girl.'

That's what he thinks about her, she quickly wonders, he thinks it wouldn't have been easy to impress her? What, does he see her as a highly sophisticated queen with expensive taste, that he would've had a hard time trying to impress her? It doesn't matter, she cast to the side of her mind, what matters is now.

Reaching out her hand to stroke his cheek, she shows him a smile to communicate how she feels in this moment. When he returns her smile in the silence, she just knows that she's not alone in her current feelings.

* * *

Chapter 7, **Give Me Love.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7, **Give Me Love.**

* * *

'… and it's just _so_ awkward,' he finishes narrating to Stefan, falling into the seat beside him.

Actually, in comparison to the reality of the situation that he's talking about, awkward is a flattering, more toned down version of what it's really like. He doesn't think that one single word can describe the situation between him and Bonnie since they agreed to start dating.

Of course, he'd like that to change, but he doesn't know how to change it, and that's why he's here trying to get advice from his brother, so that he can fix it. If he could fix it himself, he would've done it a long time ago, not be here with his brother.

Releasing what sounds like a tired sigh, Stefan says, 'You should really be talking to _her_ about this, not me.'

Before quickly getting up from the seat he just took to stand in front of his brother, Damon first looks at him to wonder if something is missing in his head, because he doesn't seem to understand. Either that, or he hasn't been paying attention to what Damon has been telling him up until now.

'I can't talk to her!' he outrages at the stupid suggestion, throwing his arms up to match the urgency. 'Doing that defies the whole concept of perfectly being what she wants and needs me to be.'

Clearly, he thinks as he waits for a response, Stefan has no idea what a big deal this is to him. Fine, Stefan has made it clear that he doesn't agree with the idea of him and Bonnie being together, but the least that he can do as a brother, is offer proper advice, regardless of whether he supports the cause or not. That's why Damon's here at his house, to get advice.

Leaning forwards in the couch, to his standing brother, Stefan sighs again. 'But how exactly do you expect to be who she wants, if you don't _ask_ her?'

'You're not listening,' Damon shakes his head, partly because he's starting to lose patience with his brother. 'I _can't_ ask her, because it has to come automatically. I have to read her and get into her mind to see if she wants me to be a version of… Enzo or something.'

As the guy in her life, as her boyfriend, he should be able to know what she wants from him. The problem is that so far, he hasn't been able to come up with what she expects from him as a boyfriend. As a result, he's had the plaguing thought all these days that maybe she needs him to do something that Enzo used to do. He hates the idea of doing what Enzo did, but if that's what it takes, then he's willing to do it for her. It's only that he doesn't want her to be the one that tells him what she wants, instead of him reading it from her.

'Do _you_ want to be a version of Enzo?' Stefan asks with a raised eyebrow, almost challenging him to answer that.

Because he brought it up, Damon can't necessarily give his brother a rude answer to show him just how much he wants to be anything close to what Enzo was, but he does wonder if coming to his brother had been a good call after all. Maybe he should've gone to Caroline's workplace to talk to her instead, because unlike her husband, she's actually in favour of him being with Bonnie.

'I'm just saying,' Damon calmly breathes out, 'I should be able to know what she wants from me.'

Before all this with Bonnie, he didn't have any problem with reading her and knowing what she wanted from him. If anything, he often anticipated her, so that when she did something, he already knew that she was going to do it. He doesn't understand how that changed just because there's a new feeling between them. And it's killing him not having any idea on how to fix it. He's not visibly showing just how much it bothers him how awkward it is between them, but it brothers him so much that he hasn't had decent sleep since their first awkward date.

'And yet here you are, talking to me, your brother,' Stefan says as he gets up to stand opposite him, with a serious expression on his face, 'instead of the girl you're in a relationship with.'

'Before,' Damon ignores his brother, 'I could text and call her at random times, you know? I could show up to where she was unannounced. I could just be free with her, but now…'

Now, it's like everything, the rules, the codes, the systems have changed and he doesn't know how to get in. And it's as uncomfortable as anything can be.

'I don't want to seem like I'm invading her space,' he carries on, lost in himself. 'I don't know when to call, or when to tell her that I miss her, and it's just _so_ awkward between us.'

He's been keeping this inside him for so long, that it's a relief to finally get it out. Usually, Bonnie would be his go to person, but seeing as she's part of the problem, he didn't have anyone to talk to about it. And so he settled for his brother, even knowing that his brother may not have good things to say to him about his relationship with Bonnie.

'Stefan, it's just so freaking awkward,' he runs a hand through his hair, to emphasise how much that get under his skin.

Just the other day, they were watching a movie and as much as he tried, he didn't know if he should pull her into him like he used to do when they were just friends, or if he should sit on the opposite end of the seat, to wait for her to come to him. In the end, they sat side by side and watched the movie in total silence until the end.

He desperately wants the awkwardness to go away, because it's getting in the way of what they had. He wants the air between them to return to what it used to be, to when they could have openly deep conversations about everything and then still find space to joke around and banter a little bit. He misses talking to her, and just being himself around her, and it's getting on the very last of his very antsy nerves.

'Damon,' Stefan lightly calls for his attention, 'did it ever occur to you that if she didn't mind you being all over her when you were friends, then she won't mind it now?'

For a second, he carefully looks at his brother, he even considers what his brother is asking, because he's thought of the same thing himself. The problem is, he just _feels_ like it's different now. He feels like the transition from them being friends to being a couple, has changed a few things and set some new boundaries in place for them.

'Yes,' Damon drawls his answer, 'but it's just different, Stefan. You know I still haven't kissed her yet? It's been two weeks, and I still don't know if it's too soon to kiss her or not.'

He'd like to kiss her. No, actually, he'd love to kiss her more than anything, but there's a part of him telling him that he can't just take the initiative and kiss Bonnie. He doesn't know if she wants them to take things slowly, or if she's waiting for him to make the first move. He doesn't know anything, and it's eating him up from the inside.

'Wow,' his brother comments, pulling his head back as though to get a better angle at him.

Damon frowns, unimpressed by his brother's expression. 'What?'

Stefan shakes his head to say, 'Nothing, I just… this is why I think it's not a good idea for you to be with Bonnie.'

And there Stefan goes again. Ever since the first night when he came to narrate the situation to his brother, Stefan has made it clear that he doesn't like the idea of him and Bonnie being together as a couple. Damon would've expected that from Caroline, not his brother, but surprisingly, it's the other way around.

'Explain?' he says to his brother, too tired to defend his relationship to his brother.

'You're uncertain,' Stefan starts to explain. 'Worried. Careful. In love like _that_.'

And yet he says it like it's a bad thing, Damon studies his brother. Sometimes, he really doesn't understand his younger brother.

'Yeah well…' he chooses to say to Stefan, carefully ignoring the thing he said about love, 'when your girlfriend's Bonnie Bennett, you're bat crazy afraid to mess up. I have one chance to do this and make sure that I don't hurt her.'

He's not forcing himself to be with Bonnie, because he does want to have a relationship with her. He's thought about it, and he's come to the conclusion that he _does_ want to be her boyfriend and treat her well. The problem is that he swore to never hurt her again, and he intends to keep that promise, no matter what. Hence, his current situation. If he messes up even the smallest of portions, Bonnie will be so over him, that he'll probably never see her again. And that is something he never hopes to live through.

'Then _ask_ her what she wants from you,' Stefan tells him, making it sound like the most logical thing in the world, 'that way, you'll get the right information and you won't hurt her.'

Again, Damon looks at his brother as though to silently communicate that he can't understand how they are related. It's that he can't understand how his brother can keep repeating the very same thing, that he, Damon, keeps insisting that he _can't_ do. He can't just ask Bonnie what she wants from him.

Shaking his head, Damon tells his brother, 'You didn't help me at all.'

To think that he actually believed that Stefan would give him something solid enough to work with, especially for his time with Bonnie, when they hang out later tonight at her house. It looks like they're going to be stuck in awkwardsville for a while, until he can figure a way out of that place.

'Doesn't that say something to you?' Stefan challenges with raised eyebrows.

'Yeah,' Damon pretends to agree, only to add, 'it says that I'm better at giving advice.'

'Right,' Stefan answers him dryly, clearly not impressed with what he's doing.

Of course Damon knows what his brother's talking about, and yes, he's choosing to not pay it mind. He's having a hard time naturally being with Bonnie as it is, he doesn't need the constant reminder that his brother is against their relationship as well.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

'Damon.'

Even though it's just the two of them in her living room, on the couch, watching TV, Damon still slowly turns his head in her direction to look at her with question, if she's the one who spoke. Things are that awkward between them when they are alone together, that even conversations are danced around.

Man, he hates this. He wishes that he could just do what he wants without being in fear of repelling her away from him.

'Hmmm?' he answers.

'You can say it, you know,' Bonnie tells him, her eyes fixed on the TV screen. 'What you're thinking.'

For a second, he almost considers doing what his brother told him to do, and just go ahead and ask her what she wants from him, but then seeing how fixed her eyes are on the documentary on the TV, he chooses otherwise. She's always been able to read him, so she probably noticed that he hasn't been paying attention to the documentary since it started. The better thing to do is to be honest with her about that at least.

'Okay,' he accepts. 'I hate that we're watching National Geography.'

What the heck in the world are they doing watching a documentary on wild flowers? Not even as friends did she ever make him sit with her while she watched something _that_ boring. She made him watch cartoons and really sappy telenovelas in the past, but this documentary thing is a whole new level for them. Not only a new level of boring, but a new level of awkwardness for them.

When will it end, he silently wonders, when will the awkwardness go away from between them.

'What?' she whips her head his way so fast that he barely gets to see her do it, before a pulled face meets his eyes. 'Who's watching that?'

'You are,' he tells her.

Your eyes have been on that screen ever since I sat down on this couch, is what he wants to add, except, he thinks better of it.

'What, no, I'm not even watching that,' she denies, quickly searching for the remote to turn the TV off.

She sure looked like she was into the documentary, he thinks to himself as he pulls himself up to sit upright. The way her eyes never left the screen, he really believed that she was into the boring thing. Apparently, though, she hasn't been paying attention to the show. But if she hasn't been watching, where has her mind been all this time?

'I don't mean the TV, Damon,' she turns in her seat to fully face him. 'I mean, if you don't want to do this… you and me, you can say it.'

That's what she's been thinking about all this time? Wait, if she's been thinking about that, how long ago did she start observing that things have been awkward between them? Because he was always under the impression that their situation didn't bother her.

Blinking, he asks, 'What?'

'It's super awkward, Damon!' she cries, sounding like she's been keeping that in for far too long. 'We're not working, and I just feel like you're pushing yourself to want this with me, and that's not what _I_ want.'

'I'm not pushing myself,' he cries back, 'I just don't know what you want from me.'

If she thinks that he's been pushing himself, when he's really been restraining himself to keep himself from doing what he wants to do with her, then that's clear evidence that their relationship declined when they agreed to get together.

'Then why didn't you ask me?' she wonders, her eyes questioning him more than her question.

Silently, he returns her stare, unsure of how best to answer that question. Just like Stefan did, Bonnie makes it sound so easy and direct, when it really isn't, and he's not sure that he can explain it to her. In his silence, however, he sees her face fall.

'So I'm right, aren't I?' comes out of her mouth. 'You don't want to be with me?'

'I do,' he tells her honestly, shifting in his seat to be closer to her and then places his hand on her thigh. 'I'm just scared to do the wrong thing.'

Those however many days that he spent sleeping in his room, did damage to her, and he knows that they still have to talk about that, but in the meantime, any small thing could be a trigger and that would be the end of everything with her, even friendship.

'So you think doing nothing is better?' she asks in a tine that says she can't believe that he thought like that.

'Isn't it?' he wants to know, because in his head it seemed like the better thing to do.

'What are you afraid of, Damon?' she asks him, placing her hand over his. 'When have you ever not asked me what I want?'

She's right there, he takes a second to think, when they were just friend's, he'd be all over her, asking what she wants, trying to get to her until she finally caved. But they're not just friends anymore, and much more, they've both been in relationships which maybe had specific standards. He knows for sure that with Elena, in the beginning, he had to be who she wanted him to be otherwise she wouldn't give him the time of day. He doesn't know how it worked with her and Enzo, but maybe there's a certain expectation that she carried over from that relationship, that he should be able to fill. He doesn't know…

'Because I just want to be who you want me to be without asking you,' he finally confesses.

If she gets that, unlike Stefan couldn't, it would save him the trouble of getting into an explanation that he has no desire to give.

For the stern look that she shows him, he starts to mentally prepare himself to hear her list of things, when the stern look fades into a softly touched smile, indicating that she's partly warmed by something.

'You're an idiot, Damon,' she says and then looks down at their hands on her thigh, so that she can join them before bringing her eyes to his face again. 'I just want you to be yourself. I didn't fall for the version that you could be.'

When she says it like that, it makes his heart smile, and his soul breathe. When she says it like that, it also makes realise that he should've just done that from he beginning. It's clearer to him now than ever, that Bonnie has never tried to change him. She's disagreed with him and she's gone against him, but she's never tried to change him. Not once, did she ever expect him to be what he's not.

'Really?' he asks to make sure, mentally taking note that he sounds like a child.

'Yeah,' she smiles his way. 'I just… I want you to crawl under my skin all day long, and then come home at the end of the day and love me. I want you to be you.'

Well, that's a relief, he thinks, but something more important catches his attention. With a cocky smile, he says, 'Bonnie… baby, if you want to get in my pants, you should just say it.'

He likes the way she hinted that she wants him. Not only because he wants her too, but also because with that small hint, they've officially moved away from awkwardsville and they can be themselves again. Oh man, they have so much catching up to do, especially concerning random conversations!

Widely smiling, Bonnie moves to carefully climb on top of him, keeping their two hands joined, while her free arm comes to surround his neck.

'I want to get into your pants,' she tells him.

There's no shred of humour in her eyes, no sliver of uncertainty in her voice, and no vibration of fear in the cadence of her heart. She wants him and she's evidently not ashamed to admit it.

Still smiling, only a little wider, he draws his hand around her waist to pull her closer to him.

'Okay, well,' he teases, 'when you beg like that, how can I say no?'

'But seriously, Damon,' she says, returning his smile, 'I mean it, you don't have to be anyone else, but the pain you are. The Damon I want, is the guy who'll talk me into breaking into a mall for ice-cream in the middle of the night.'

'Ooh,' he says thoughtfully, 'that's a good idea. Thanks Bon,' he leans forwards to plant a chaste kiss on her cheek.

Lightly, she playfully pushes his face away, adding, 'I just want you to be you, nothing more or less.'

She has no idea what she's asking for…

'So…' he tests, 'that definitely means that you're getting in my pants, right? Because there's no taking it slow with me and you. I'm well up to speed with everything that you are, and you with me. And considering that you know me, you should be able to know that you're getting in my pants. Tonight.'

Bonnie rolls her eyes, transporting him back to a time when everything was easy and natural between, a time when even ridiculous things were acceptable between them. It warms and settles him to realise that they're really back to who they used to be.

'If you keep talking,' she hints, 'I'll never get into your pants.'

'Quick fix for that,' he smirks as he pulls her closer, bringing his forehead to hers.

'Good,' she whispers with a smile in her voice just a split second before he draws her lips to his.

As their lips touch, a new heartbeat, quite faint, suddenly makes itself known to his ears. Because he is too committed to doing this with Bonnie, he pretends that he doesn't hear it.

* * *

Chapter 8, **Hold On, Move On.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8, **Hold On, Move On.**

* * *

Damon told her that she has a visitor in one of the rooms, but it's still a surprise to see Lucy in the flesh, right here in the living room. It was so long ago that she saw her relative, that it seems almost unreal that she's here now. It's not necessarily that she didn't ever expect to see her cousin, it's only that she sort of got used to being a lone Bennett witch in her world.

Smiling from the where she is at the bottom of the stairs, she carefully calls for her relative's attention. 'Lucy.'

At the call, Lucy begins to turn her back on the pictures that she'd been looking at on the wall, to face her.

'Bonnie Bennett,' Lucy warmly smiles at her. 'I was wondering when you would come down.'

Well, Bonnie thinks as she takes steps to Lucy, if it hadn't been for Damon, who deliberately woke her up, she would've liked to have stayed in bed until an hour before her first lesson at eleven o'clock.

As a staff member, she's contractually obligated to be at the high school from eight in the morning, but being a Friday, and with the long night that she spent with Damon, she has no intention of going to a school where she doesn't have students for the first part of the morning. She didn't have any intention of coming down so early, but Damon ruined that for her when he nudged her awake just to tell her that she has a visitor as from the previous night.

Instead of telling Lucy that, though, she only walks to her, with her arms outstretched to meet her in a hug.

'Hi,' she greets Lucy in the hug, holding on to savour the moment.

Much more than she believed, it actually feels good to greet her relative like this again. It may just have to do with her current state of happiness, or it might just be a genuine feeling that she has for having another Bennett with her, but whatever it is, she didn't believe that she would feel this placed to be welcoming Lucy.

'Hey,' Lucy returns warmly, mirroring her.

They keep in their embrace for a bit more, and when they draw apart, Bonnie steps back to look at Lucy from head to toe, quietly assessing that she looks well.

Giving off another smile, she gives says, 'You look good.'

'Physically, yeah,' Lucy answers with a nod, 'but I'm actually in a situation.'

'What is it?' Bonnie wants to know, worry settling itself in her.

She wouldn't like it if Lucy is in trouble. They are not that close, but still, family is family, and she generally doesn't want her family to be in danger for any reason. Especially if it's supernatural trouble, because that easily means death from one second to the other.

'Nothing big,' Lucy shrugs, 'I'm just hiding from some witch that has a grudge against me. It's a long story and I need your help, but can I stay here for a while?'

The words 'I need your help,' are mostly what stuck out for Bonnie, because for a while, Mystic Falls has kind of been boring. She loves the quietness and stability that the town's had for a while, but the truth is, since she was sixteen, she's been involved in all sorts of crazy dangerous things, that it apparently got into her system without her notice. She would honestly be lying if she says that she's not a little excited to be part of something risky and dangerous again. The thrill of the thought, almost makes her worry for Lucy disappear. Almost.

She's still genuinely worried about Lucy, but there's a part of her that's beginning to itch to get back into the actual world of using her magic to trap someone, and use spells to narrowly make her escape. Heck, she knows that Damon will definitely like to get in on that action as well, and since she and him make such a good combination, she can almost taste the adventure on her tongue.

'Sure,' she agrees about both the help and accommodation, 'I mean, we're family, you don't even have to ask.'

'Thanks,' Lucy smile gratefully.

She doesn't really need to be thankful, Bonnie thinks, not when they are related and just about the two of the only remaining three Bennett witching clan.

'So, I'm going to make breakfast,' she changes the subject, 'we can talk while I do.'

Until Lucy decides that she's going to tell her about the situation that she's in, they'll just have a random chat, because she's in a good mood. How can she not be in a good mood when her love life has finally fallen into place?

'Sure,' the other woman accepts, starting to follow her in to the kitchen. 'So, I heard you and Damon last night when I came in,' she comments.

For a beat, Bonnie stops moving and then turns to look at her family member. Damon told her that he heard her heartbeat last night, but she didn't think that she'd heard anything of what was going on upstairs after she and Damon went up to her room.

'How'd you know it's Damon?' she wonders with a frown.

Laughing lightly as though amused, Lucy answers, 'Considering that I'm a witch, that shouldn't even be a question. Also, I heard you say his name a few times. You guys sure do talk a lot.'

Oh, Bonnie breathes easily, it's the talking part that she heard. She would've been dead embarrassed if Lucy had heard her when she and Damon were being sexually intimate. No matter how common it may be for boys and girls to have sex with each other, she prefers that no one is made an audience to her sexual activity; it's just private.

She and Damon had talked the whole night away, to make up for the awkward time that they'd been having lately. She'd laughed along with him, and yes, she remembers calling his name a few times to scold him during their talk. That's probably what Lucy heard. She just hopes that they didn't keep her up all night with all their talkative noise.

'Sorry about that,' she apologises nonetheless, making her feet pick up again.

'I came into your house unannounced and you're apologising to me?' Lucy wants to know, her head shaking in disbelief. 'But anyway, on the subject, and I'm mature enough to not mince my words… I just have to ask, are you sure that it's a good idea to be with Damon?'

It's just as well that she continued walking into the kitchen and she leaves Lucy behind at the table while she goes over to the sink,because she suddenly feels like she needs to take a good look at Lucy, from a good distance.

What?

She knows she heard what she heard, except, is that really what Lucy said? It just… well, doesn't make sense. What could've brought that on? Where did that suddenly come from?

'Don't look at me like that,' Lucy tells hers. 'I know from a source how things have been for you. And I also ran into Enzo.'

Enzo? She can't help it develop a frown at the name. As far as she knows, Enzo doesn't know anything about her and Damon, well, not the romantically involved part anyway.

'Enzo sent you here?' Bonnie finds herself asking, momentarily why Lucy came here in the first place.

It wouldn't surprise her much if Enzo sent Lucy to check up on her. She still talks to him on the phone, and every time that they talk, he doesn't hide the fact that he still has hope burning in his heart that she'll move away from Mystic Falls to be with him. The poor man never really got over their beak-up, and she's never quite forgiven herself for breaking his heart like she did, when she refused to leave with him.

'No,' her relative replies, 'I was already on my way here, I just ran into him somewhere in the middle. He didn't say anything about you and Damon to me. It's Abby who doesn't think that you being with Damon is a good idea.'

Her eyes grow by a few fractions. 'Abby?'

Just so that she's clear, her mother, who hasn't been in her life for the longest time, suddenly has something to say about her love life?

What?

That's not even the crazy thing about it all, Bonnie thinks, it's the fact that Lucy can say something so casually like it's nothing important. They may be her blood family, but since when do they have a say in her love life? She's a mature woman, for goodness' sake.

'She's been keeping tabs on you ever since the last time you saw her,' Lucy explains, as though seeing through the flesh covering Bonnie's soul of emotions. 'She thinks that you're making a mistake being with Damon.'

Speaking straight from the hotness in temper that she feels, she quickly retorts with, 'I think she made a mistake when she chose to not be part of my life, but she's still not here, so…'

She doesn't know if the finds the idea of her mother and relative, who she's barely had contact with for a few years at least, discussing her love life without her permission, more disturbing than the actual fact that they somehow apparently deemed it okay among themselves, to have Lucy come here and talk about something that doesn't concern them. They're unbelievable.

'Come on, Bonnie,' Lucy pulls a face, leaning her elbow on the table, 'it's Damon we're talking about here.'

'Are you going to tell me that Damon loves Elena, and that I'm fooling myself?' is her irritated reply.

She doesn't understand how Lucy can really just stand there and try to impose her will and thoughts onto her. Be it from concern or nosiness, it's really not Lucy's –or anyone else's for that matter- business to give their thoughts on her and Damon's relationship. It doesn't make sane sense.

'No, Bonnie,' Lucy softens her expression and tone, 'but I've been there. I know what it's like to love someone so much that you'd take even five seconds to be with them. How do you think I became immortal?'

This is starting to get out of hand, Bonnie tells herself, she has to put a stop to it, before she gets angry enough to say something mean to her relative. How does Lucy know so much, anyway?

'Lucy,' she says after a small sigh to cool herself, 'if I didn't believe that Damon could be with me, I wouldn't be with him. I'm not making a decision based on fresh love. I've loved him for a long time, and I don't want to spend an eternity wondering. It's really none of anyone's business, but I know Damon,' she finishes lightly.

Just then, as she's about to start defending he reasons in her head she sees Damon makes his entrance in the kitchen, fully dressed and looking ready to start the day. Her heart smiles for seeing him, but her face doesn't do the same. It's really hard to smile at him, when she feels like she and him are under attack.

'Morning ladies,' he greets, specifically keeping his eyes on Lucy.

If she's right, he's probably telling Lucy without words that he _did_ hear her last night when she came in, and he _did_ hear her now.

'Damon,' Lucy calmly acknowledges, and then to Bonnie, she gives a quiet, 'We'll talk later,' before walking out of the kitchen.

Bonnie wishes that she could say that the short talk with Lucy didn't affect her mood, but it did. She came down the stairs happy, but she's just… Even while the two of them wait for the ambience from the previous conversation to leave after Lucy, the lingering effects remain within her. Not even when Damon walks closer to her, does she manage to get rid of the effects.

'We're going to have to talk,' he tells her softly.

Well, this isn't how she'd planned that her morning would go. She thought she'd sleep in and simply cuddle with him in bed, but now… she's letting out a sigh that she hadn't budgeted for. At all.

'You heard…' she realises with a hint of lament in her voice.

'Yeah, I heard,' he nods, 'but we didn't really talk, you know? You told me what you want these seventy years, plus the Kai thing, and then me, my feelings. We just need to talk.'

No, this is definitely not how she'd planned her morning to go, and now that it's her reality, she feels her stomach caving in, like it's making way for pressure that she didn't know she felt.

Last night, they spoke about so much, but oddly, they didn't talk about anything that he mentioned just now. The idea to bring all those things up, had crossed her mind last night, except, she easily fell into talking to him about nothing, the way that she hadn't done in a long time, that she told herself that they would have time to talk about all that later.

By later, she hadn't imagined that it would be today, though. It might have everything to do with Lucy's words, but suddenly, she doesn't feel as happy as she did when she woke up anymore.

'Wow,' she breathes out, 'that's a lot of heavy stuff in one morning. I suddenly don't feel like breakfast anymore.'

Damon smiles at her, communicating that he understands what she means. He can't possibly understand how she feels, when she herself is only beginning to feel the reality of the words that Lucy left behind.

'Then I guess I shouldn't tell you that my brother loves you,' he steps as close to her as he can manage, placing his hand on her waist, 'but he doesn't think that you and me should be together.'

If she thought that she didn't like the way the morning with Lucy has started out, then she definitely hates how defeated she feels now. After just a few words, she feels so robbed of strength that she's beginning to wonder why she got up from bed in the first place.

The thing is, Stefan is a level headed person, who cares about her, not to mention Caroline's husband, so if he's against her and Damon being together, then maybe… He never liked Enzo, but he never _spoke_ a word against her relationship with Enzo either. If he has something to say about her and Damon, then maybe…

'Huh,' she lets out, moving away from Damon's touch. 'I um… I'm going to take a shower.'

She needs to think. She needs to think. She just needs to think. She'd been willing to overlook Lucy and Abby's concerns, but now that Stefan's in the picture, she _maybe_ has to think about this. She just needs to think and clear her head.

When she tries to walk past him, he lightly holds her wrist, the smile that had previously been on his face, disappearing.

'Bonnie, I don't like that look on your face.'

For a second, she only looks at him, trying to rearrange her features while she does. Until she's thought and cleared her head, she'll decide better, so for now, it won't really help to tell him anything.

'I told you,' she replies in a fake cool voice, 'I just need a shower.'

'Liar,' he says jokingly, 'I know you, Bonnie.'

Something about the way he accompanies his joking tone with a soft smile, -a smile that penetrates her core, to realise that he's really just concerned that she's okay- makes her build a wall defense around herself. In building her wall, she doesn't think to remember that he's not necessarily the one that she should be defending herself against, or even lashing out at, she just reacts.

'And so what if I'm lying?' she asks him harshly. 'Or what if I acted hastily because you were there that night, and I couldn't resist wanting to try with you? What if I made a mistake?'

Those are the doubts that Lucy planted in her head, surfacing into her mind and leaving through her mouth without proper attention or permission. She hadn't realised it in the moment when she was talking to Lucy, even now, she doesn't fully recognise what she's _actually_ doing.

'You're not seriously rethinking this, are you?' Damon laughs about it.

Again, the sound of his laughter, touches her in a way that she can't help it feel like she needs to shield herself.

'What if I didn't think this through?' she wonders, the same doubts attacking her. 'I mean, if all these people are against me being with you, then maybe I'm the wrong one here.'

Following that, she frees herself from his hold and then takes a step away from him. Damon looks back at her, but she can't read his new expression, because she is too busy with her own thoughts which have clouded her mental ability in regards to everything around her.

'You used me,' she hears, making her properly fix her eyes on him.

It's a statement, she observes. A very clear and accusing statement. One that has her forgetting all about her internal conflict and looking at him.

'What?' she asks with a frown.

'You slept with me,' he states, looking her up and down, apparently looking for something, 'and now you don't want me anymore. _You used me_ ,' he finishes explaining what he means.

Is he a crazy person, she looks at him with wonder, is there some part of him that suddenly became crazy and infected him to be that way too?

'I didn't do that,' she retorts, quite appalled that he would think that of her. 'You _know_ how I feel.'

He knows how she feels about him, why would she just want to have sex with him and then dump him? Maybe if they'd spent all night having sex, then maybe he could say that, but they only got sexually intimate that one time. How can he even think something like that?

Lifting the corners of his lips up just a little, before make them fall down again, Damon takes a step back from her, his eyes set right on her chest, where her heart is.

' _I know how you feel_ ,' he recites dryly, 'because you _said_ that you love me? I'm supposed to go with your word, when the things coming out of your mouth now, are the complete opposite of that?'

He _is_ crazy then, she decides.

'What's wrong with you, Damon?'

'I spent the better of the night talking to you and holding you close, and you want to know what's wrong with me?' he hoarsely asks. 'I felt blissfully happy just watching you fall asleep and hearing you mumble in your sleep, and you ask _what's_ wrong with me? Come on, Bonnie, what you're doing isn't funny.'

He doesn't sound angry, but there's anger in his words that hurts her. He wants to get angry at the things she said or didn't say, when he's done the same thing to her in the past? Is he serious right now?

'You're right,' she says dryly. 'What I'm doing isn't funny. There's every chance that you'll hurt me again, like you always manage to, and I'm not willing to risk that.'

If he wants to get angry, then she's also going to remember that he has this horrible habit of hurting her and throw it in his face. Before, she didn't realise what she'd been doing by speaking the doubts planted by Lucy, but now… If she takes those doubts into consideration and adds Damon's horrible habit to it, then…

Damon stares at her quietly, and while she can tell that he's burning to say something, he's apparently also using his might to control his mouth from opening. It's not at all what she expected from him; she expected a defense of some sort.

'Maybe I shouldn't have asked you to love me,' she utters, afraid to say it too loud.

Saying it too loud, could be something poisonous and dangerous; she can't risk it.

His face instantly loses its hardness when he tells her, 'If this is about the days I ignored you, if it's about what Kai did, I told you, we'll talk about that. Bonnie, I promise you, I swear to you, I'm never going to hurt you again. Maybe you don't believe that right now, but once we talk, you'll see. You'll see that I mean it.'

Prompted by the desperation in his voice, she lets out a long sigh.

'I don't doubt that you mean it, Damon,' she admits. 'I know that right now you mean it, but there'll come a time when you hurt me, like you always manage to.'

That's a reality that she had overlooked before. To think that she'd been confident in telling Lucy that she didn't come to the decision of being Damon just like that, like a girl with a crush, only to realise that she didn't explore every corner and storeroom.

'I swear, I won't,' he pleads, even going as far as marking an 'x' over his heart.

'It's funny,' she tells him, her head shaking. 'I thought this could work, I thought I could take whatever feelings you'd develop for me. I thought I'd be able to understand that Elena is _that_ epic love of your life, but I would still get to love you, because you allowed me to, but I thought wrong.'

The timing more than sucks, she thinks to herself. Why couldn't Lucy have shown up before she got a taste of what really being in Damon's arms is like? Before she knew how deep his kisses could go? And before she surrendered all of her heart into his hand, when he made his way inside her? Why did she have to realise all of this now?

Where did she miscalculate? How did she go wrong that she didn't see the supposed wrong that everyone else is seeing? She feels so stupid. After thinking that she had it all figured out, she has to come to terms that her love blinded her to the reality of things? How much more stupid can she get? And how much more will it continue to hurt?

'Bonnie, please don't,' he begs. 'Just because a few people have their opinions on us, you want to give up? Bonnie you had _so much time_ in the past to give up on me. You could've left with Enzo, but you stayed. You let him go, and you stayed _with me_. Just like I could've let Elena live instead of you, but I _didn't_. We made choices, Bonnie, and you can't just give up now.'

He sounds so… certain, like there's no way around them being together, like they were destined to be. The problem is, even though he's got a point, other people apparently see what the two of them don't, and that is a warning enough.

'You didn't even know I loved you, until I said it,' she reminds him sadly. 'You didn't even see me as someone to be with, until I told you what I wanted, so don't tell me about choices. You're the last person to tell me about choices. I'm going to shower, Damon, please don't follow me.'

She waits for him to say something, but she only sees the outlines of his jaws, showing her that he's doing his best to keep from opening his mouth. Not wanting to prolong this, she gives him her back and begins to take small steps out of the kitchen.

At the door, she feels a hand touch her lower back, and another land on her stomach, as a chin rests on her shoulder.

'Just hold on a little longer,' he pleads, much like the day he asked her for more time.

Why is he always asking her for more time? What's more time supposed to do for them? What is the point of holding on anyway?

'Please baby, please hold on just a little longer.'

Using all her strength, she masks her feeling from surfacing and then she shrugs him off her, 'No, move on, Damon. It's better that way.'

* * *

Chapter 9, **I Bruise Easily.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9, **I Bruise Easily.**

* * *

Another day, Damon thinks to himself while settling deeper into the sofa. He wishes with all of his might there'd be a difference today. That today, she'll call him, or come to see him, or even, at the very least, send him a small text message. Heck, even just one emoji from her would be a monumental difference to him.

But, from what he's seeing, it's just another waiting day for him, and it appears, that there's going to be little to no difference between this waiting day and the previous waiting day. He'll keep waiting and waiting, and waiting some more, but the person that he wants to reach out to him, won't do that, and the day will go down just as the three others have.

If only-

Speedily, Damon shuts off that line of wishing, when he hears the sound of a car pulling just outside the house. He jumps out of the sofa speedily too, but the speed with which he makes it to the door, makes it look like he got out of the sofa in slow motion. As fast as he gets to the door, however, he doesn't immediately close his hand around the knob to open it, and thus, stand in waiting for Bonnie to make it to the door.

What he does do, is press both of his palms on the door, and then moves his head closer to the wooden material of that same door, adjusting his head just right, so that his ear is pressed against it, to hear her begin to approach the house.

It's her, it's Bonnie, it's his Bonnie.

He knows it's her, because he knows the sound of her car. It may be a strange thing to know about someone, but he does know it, and he will never forget it. When he was younger, he used to study people's shoe prints, in the case that he would be able to tell who had visited the house while he was away. Back in those days, sand was much more abundant than the scare luxury of firm floorings. In that way, he's learned, over time, to use specific methods and means to identify who was who. In addition to his vampiric skills, of course.

It's really her, he feels himself calm more than he's been able to feel in three days. Just when he believed that this day wouldn't be any different of a waiting day, she surprises him by coming to see him. He'd just about been on the verge of thinking that she would up and leave to go back to that other guy, Enzo.

It would've been hard for him, though, to think that she'd happy _without_ him. While he does want her to be happy, at the same time he selfishly doesn't want her to be happy with another man, not while he's alive to know about it. He acknowledges that it's possessive of him, but he never contends with his heart to feel otherwise.

He hears her footsteps get closer and closer, signaling how much closer to him she's coming, and instead of keeping in that same position of listening for her approach, he can't ignore the itch in his hands, to grab hold of the knob and pull it back, neither can he rid his body of the itch to move and make way for the door to swing back. All at once, he comes to himself from the previous itching, as he stands in the doorway and his eyes fall on Bonnie just a few steps away from where he is.

'Bonnie,' he says her name gratefully.

He can't help it, he's over the solar system relieved to see her. Her being here, says so much to him, that he can't hold himself back enough to wait for her to complete her journey to meet him at the door. Using his supernatural speed, he moves to come to a stand right in front her.

'Hi,' he greets warmly.

If only that word carried more syllables than just that one, so he could say it more with feeling and overdose it with as much gratitude as he feels right now. He really needs for her to know that this, her coming to see him, means the world to him.

'Hi, Damon,' she greets back politely, but standoffishly as well.

Although he does catche the not-so-welcoming greeting, he doesn't manage to catch himself in time, to prevent himself from stepping into her, thrusting himself into her personal space, and then surrounding all of her with his arms, to gather her to him.

Like that, with his arms around her and her head under his chin, as she pulls in a breath of surprise, he lets out a breath of his own, in expression of how much this means to him. Words can't express just how much this means to him, and he's starting to believe that his actions aren't properly expressing his feelings either. He could hold her much tightly than this, and he could let out more than countless breaths of relief, but it still feels like that wouldn't do his emotions justice. Maybe he should return to using his words.

'It's so good to see you, Bon,' he lets her know from his heart, saying those words in a massaging tone next to her ear.

'Damon,' she starts apologetically, 'I just came to tell you that Lucy needs our help, and I told her that you'd help.'

In other words, she's clearly telling him to let her go of her, because what he believes she's here for, and what she's actually here for, are two very separate things, and he shouldn't get ahead of himself, and assume something that isn't.

Oh, he feels something of a sting in his body, his heart particularly. Wow… uh…

From feeling like this day would be exactly like the days before it, to being impatient to seeing her face once he heard her car pull up, and then to being immeasurably relieved that this day does mark the difference after all, Damon (after realising Bonnie's warning) finally reaches the culmination of all that he's felt until now.

Swiftly, he removes his arms from her, taking several steps back from her in the process. No one can accuse him of saying that he doesn't want to be near her, or that he's upset with her for telling him the truth, which is the total opposite of what he expected to hear from her, it's that he suddenly feels like he's underwater. As per the culmination of his feelings, he feels like he's really submerged in the depths of thick volumes of water, that are heavily pressing and keeping him down without mercy.

'I didn't…' Bonnie tries to say something only to pause before she fully says anything comprehensive.

'It's okay,' he gently brushes off. 'You don't… Um… I get… It's not your fault.'

He tried to tell her that it's all right, she doesn't have to explain anything to him, or even that it's not her fault that he jumped to the wrong conclusion for seeing her, but he couldn't really make the full sentences come out the way that he'd intended them to. However, even without completing his sentences, she evidently grasps his meaning, because she carefully nods in a way that says she understands what he didn't get to say.

'Do you want to come in?' he asks gesturing to the open door behind him.

Inviting her in, is the immediate soothing balm (in the form of a distraction) that he could come up with, to partially fix himself internally. Of course, if she just told him what he wants to hear, or even gave him a chance so that they can have a proper talk, he wouldn't need to distract himself from the evident truth that she doesn't want him anymore.

'No,' she shakes her head, 'I can't. I just came for… Um, I'll text you the meeting place.'

No, he begins to internally panic. She can't leave just yet. She doesn't understand, she kicked him out of her life so suddenly without a real solid reason, leaving him craving for her, so how can she expect to just leave him out here with no consequence? He has to find a way to make her stay, even just for five more minutes.

'Are you sure you don't want to come in?' he presents the offer to her again.

Just for the slightest second, her face morphs to a concerned expression, but that expression quickly wipes off her face to make way for a determined one.

'Coming in won't change anything, Damon,' she tells him evenly.

The way she says it, anyone would swear that she has no lingering feelings for him whatsoever. She makes it sound as though she has completely gotten over him in the three days that passed. She makes it sound as though she hasn't been unable to sleep for breaking off what they didn't even really start. But he knows better, he knows her.

Thinking this, he, without thinking with his head as he is supposed to do, takes two steps to her, as urged by his heart to do. As his heart reasoned before making him get closer to her, if he is closer to her, he could do more of an effective job of convincing her that he knows her, that she shouldn't bother trying to make him think that she is over him.

He gets closer to her, that he does, however, just as he does, she steps away from him. He can't be sure if it's from fear of being pulled back into their relationship, or if it's simply because she doesn't want to be close to him, he is only sure of one thing about her stepping back from him, and that is, that it hurts him.

'I have to get to work,' she tries to say her goodbye.

She can say her goodbye all that she wants, but he really can't just let her leave. She came to him for goodness' sake, he doesn't know when else this type of lunar eclipse will happen for them, so he has to take full advantage of her being here. One way of doing that, is preventing her from leaving just yet.

'What did I do?' he blurts out as a last resort type of question.

Never mind that it makes him sound desparate and primitive, he couldn't care less about that. If it gets him the proper audience with his girl, then it can be out of this world loony, for all he cares.

Sporting a genuine frown, she asks, 'When?'

It _has_ to be something that he did. She can't just have decided that she doesn't want to be with him anymore, it has to be something that he did. Obviously, he did something, and that something pushed her away from him.

'I don't know,' he shrugs as he answers. 'I just know I must've done something, right?'

Apart from his treatment of her in the days before they agreed to start seeing each other romantically, he wants to hear her confirm that he _did_ something, that's the reason for her pushing him away from her. It's important that he hears that come from her mouth.

'Why do you say that?' she wants to know, her frown deepening.

'You're separating yourself from me,' he explains his reasoning, 'because _clearly_ I messed up somewhere.'

He must've done something that is not out in the open between them, that is keeping her away from his side. If only she would tell him what it is, so that he's in on it too, because for now, he just feels like he's locked out of a house for a reason that he doesn't have.

'So,' Bonnie lets out testingly, ' _what_ do you think you did?'

'I don't know,' he cries.

How is he supposed to know? He thought they were doing fine, but apparently, they haven't been doing fine. Somewhere between the night and the morning of their real time as a couple, he must've done something that didn't sit right with her, and that's what he doesn't know.

'I don't know what I did,' he continues to insist. 'You need to tell me, so I can fix it.'

Bonnie, after studying him for a moment, and then letting out a small joyless laugh, says, 'I just can't be with you, Damon. It's just like that.'

No, he can't accept that. It's _not_ just like that, because if it had been _just like that_ , she wouldn't have agreed to be with him in the first place. Gosh, doesn't she see how much she means to him? He's had a small lick of a taste of what it would be like to be with her, and he's already addicted to that ambience. How can she not see that about him?

'But couldn't you have decided that before this?' he wonders, hoping to trap her in her own denial. 'Before us?'

To that, she apparently doesn't have an answer, because she remains absolutely still, only looking at him. Because of that response from her, although he got the message loud and clear the first time, he ignores it, to step closer to her again. Fortunately, she doesn't move back this time.

'Bonnie, I'm really trying, okay?' he confesses, placing all of his feelings into his tone. 'The only thing that's stopped me from bothering you this week, is hope that you'll see how serious I am about not hurting you. I haven't been pushing you to get our relationship back on track, because I don't want you to think that I don't respect what you want. But, Bonnie, please just…'

Again, even once he's paused, she's completely silent, not even giving away a flicker of an emotion on her face. She must not understand how hard it's been for him to not go after her, as he is so typically used to doing. She must not understand that he meant it when he said that he would never hurt her again. Because if she did, she would _say_ something, she would give him something.

'Just tell me what I did wrong,' he heartily begs, 'so I can _fix_ it.'

Bonnie still doesn't give him an answer outside of looking at him, not breaking eye contact with him. If her eyes said more than her silence does, he would look to her eyes for answers on what he should do to fix whatever mess he's landed them in. But as it is, her eyes don't say more, because he's looking into them, and they hold no more words than her silence does.

Starting to feel himself growing desperate, he asks, 'We can't even talk, Bonnie?'

With her eyes, she says nothing, and with her mouth, she says nothing either. How is he supposed to know anything, if she won't give him something to be heard?

'It's just too soon, Damon,' she finally tells him. 'It's just too soon. Maybe at some point we'll be okay again, but right now it's just too soon.'

To put emphasis on her words, she holds her left hand between them, as the sign that he should one, let it go, and two, keep where he is, because getting even closer to her, will make no more of a difference than his questions and explanations did.

'Bonnie,' he begs, making her name sound like a loving caress, 'don't… please.'

'You said you respect what I want,' she reminds him. 'This _is_ what I want. Don't make it harder for yourself.'

Harder for himself? Like she can stand there and tell him that she isn't going through what he's going through? That she doesn't want him back? That she doesn't love him? But okay, he'll swallow what he wants, to give her what she 'apparently' wants, because he believes that in doing the opposite, he will hurt her. He slowly nods, programming himself to accept this as it is, even though he would rather not.

'So, um,' he chooses to move on to another topic, 'where's your… Where's Lucy?'

'She's at home,' is her answer.

'Is it okay if I go to see her, right now? Just to catch up on what's going on.'

He might as well just go to see the girl, since he doesn't have anything better to do. Plus, in seeing Lucy, he could talk to her like he's been wanting to do for the past days.

'Um, yeah,' she nods her answer. 'It's no problem, you can see her. Thanks for agreeing to help.'

'Sure,' he nods again.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

He left it alone for three days, but the truth is, it's been eating away at him and he can't find a way to get over it, without talking to Lucy about it. He'd rather he didn't have to question her, but his restless mind won't stop making up all kinds of reasons for Bonnie rejecting him, that he's not comfortable with having.

He probably shouldn't have let himself into Bonnie's house without knocking, but seeing as Bonnie _did_ give him permission to come and see Lucy, he doesn't really see the need to knock, he only heads right into the house, shutting the door behind him.

'Lucy Bennett?' he loudly calls, as he steps further into the living room.

Whether she'd been on her way to the living room, or she's been expecting him, Damon can't confirm, he only knows that she joins him in the living room much sooner than he expected her to. Although, from the way she casually gives him a smile and then sinks into a sofa, he'll have to guess that she _had_ been expecting him.

'Damon Salvatore,' she acknowledges, gesturing for him to follow her lead. 'Sit.'

'No thanks,' he declines.

It isn't that he doesn't want to sit, it's more that he, well, he doesn't know where he stands with Lucy. Personally, he has nothing against her, not since she helped them that lifetime ago, but he can't be sure that Lucy doesn't have anything against him. For all he knows, she could have it in for him badly, and if that's the case, her telling Bonnie that being with him is a mistake, would be quite warranted.

'Bonnie says you're in a situation,' he lets her know, 'that's why I'm here.'

Lucy, in response to that, nods, albeit sceptically, and then goes on to say, 'And also talk about Bonnie, right?'

'Yeah, and that,' he agrees with a faint smile.

'Sit down, Damon,' Lucy advises while leaning forwards in her seat.

This invitation, he doesn't let up. In fact, instead of taking a seat across Lucy, he goes right to the sofa where Lucy is, and then takes his place next to her. If she is the demon between him and Bonnie, then he'll have to confront his demon from nearby, not a distance.

'So,' she starts, shifting in her seat to face him, 'you be Bonnie's boyfriend for what, seventy years? And then what? You let her die so that you can have Elena back?'

Wow! She doesn't waste time, does she? She doesn't beat around the bush apparently, she just comes right out and gets to the point without the fore pleasantries and building up to the actual point. Hmm, he instantly likes that about her.

On the other hand, what the hell? Who does she thinks she is to question him, and to question him as though she knows the first thing about him? About him _concerning_ Bonnie, for that matter. Really, just who does she think she is?

'And if she wants to be married, Damon?' she carries on inquisitively. 'If she wants children? If after the seventy years she doesn't want to stop being with you, but you _do_? What if she decides that she's not going to die, taking away your dream of having eternity with Elena? Will you hate her? Will you kill her?'

The interesting thing to him, is that she's speaking with such clarity and certainty on the matter, as if she's an actual participating member of his and Bonnie's relationship. She's making it sound like she has so much at stake to lose, that she spent nights awake, just thinking about all that came out of her mouth.

What, she thinks that he hasn't thought about all that? Does she really think that he would go into a relationship with Bonnie, Bonnie of all people, without considering everything that there was to consider? Another time, in another life before he got to know Bonnie and he was influenced by her, he would've done things impulsively, maybe, but not anymore. Least of all, concerning Bonnie's _life_.

For some reason, Lucy begins to shake her head, verbally adding, 'I'm not some sadistic person that doesn't want her to happy, or even that I want _you_ to suffer, it's just that I've been around the block, I know how things tend to turn out. That look on your face says that you think I'm crazy, but I've been around the block, like I said.'

Even so, he thinks, even if she's been around seventeen different blocks, ten times over, there's one thing that she's never been around, and on that one thing, she can't base her previous findings. She just can't.

'You don't know anything about us,' he tells her evenly, 'not me and Bonnie.'

'Maybe,' she shrugs, 'but think about it long and hard. Bonnie loves you, but do _you love her_? Because like it or not Damon, love's not always enough. And I believe Elena resting in a casket is proof enough to you about that.'

Oh. Wow. She evidently knows where his heart is exposed and just how to hurt him, consequently. It literally feels like she physically touched a place inside of him that is out of bounds.

Evidently, these Bennett girls just don't seem to get that he is very soft at heart. They don't seem to grasp the notion that he's very easy to bruise, even though he likes to act otherwise. When it comes to matters of the heart, what hurts more than the truth to him, is losing what his heart wants.

But, clearly, he inwardly sighs, with Lucy, there's apparently no point in this. It's bad enough that Bonnie is refusing to even talk about their differences, adding one more grain of salt to the wound, wouldn't be good for him overall, because as much as he's trying to do the right by Bonnie and keeping her request, if he keeps being in situations that trigger him, sooner, more than later, he will make a rash decision that's bound to hurt Bonnie. And that's the last thing in the world, that he's going to ever do.

For now, he'll just have to change the subject, to the other thing that's brought him here. It's safer that way for him.

'Uh…' he clears his throat, 'so… your situation, what's that about?'

Thankfully, as he's fast coming to know that Lucy doesn't linger or edge towards something, she just dives right in, she gets up from her seat, and motions for him to do the same.

'We're going somewhere,' she tells him, holding out her hand towards him. 'Take my hand. And don't close your eyes,' she adds as a warning.

Looking at her suspiciously, he asks her, 'Why?'

'Why?' she laughs, apparently amused by his question as she repeats it. 'You know what, Damon, close them.'

He wants to dare to try, but he won't. That very much sounded like a 'suit-yourself-but-don't-blame-me-later' threat to him, and no, he is _not_ willing to find out something unpleasant as he is. Maybe if he and Bonnie were still together, he'd dare to try his luck.

'Ready?' she asks, to which he can only nod.

* * *

Chapter 10, **Just For Now.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10, **Just For Now.**

* * *

How it's even possible that six hours later, four different sets of classes taught, and even a wholesome meal happily settled in her stomach, she still feels Damon's arms around her from this morning, she doesn't know. She can't put together how that thing is possible, even after all the distractions that should've wiped all traces of this morning from her mind.

She means, it's not like she's deliberately storing this morning in her mind as a keepsake.

When he'd held on to her this morning at his house, it's not like she'd allowed herself to feel his embracing to enjoyment, no. She specifically trained her mind, heart and body to be stoic to anything that Damon did, so why does she still feel his arms around her? Why can't she get that feeling of his arms embracing her, off of her body?

Because, Bonnie Bennett, a thought surfaces in her mind, making her sit upright in her chair.

'Because what?' she asks herself aloud, just not too loud, though.

This isn't normal. She shouldn't be talking to herself like this. Not when her office door is partly open, and any staff member or student could walk in. But then again, she shouldn't be feeling her ex's arms around her either, but _here_ she is.

Because his arms around you, spoke to you more than his words did.

Because his arms around you, told you the story of his feelings.

Because his arms around you, reminded you of your own feelings for him.

Because his arms around you, brought to your memory, that single night of love with him.

Because his arms around you-

'Shut up,' she roughly tells her mind through gritted teeth, at the same time bringing her fingers on either temple to rub them soothingly.

She specifically remembers telling herself that she had to be unaffected by anything that Damon would say or do to her. She repeated the mantra of how she was just there for Lucy's sake, and not hers, that she believed it stuck. Evidently, though, her body betrayed her and properly took note of Damon's arms around her.

And now, as a result, she's stuck in this…

With her fingers pressing into her temples, she all of a sudden feels like her head hurts. Whether or not her head really hurts, she only knows that feels like the hurting came with no prior warning that it was going to happen. It feels like her head hurts _so_ much, like there's a pain inside her head, that just won't stop.

Groaning a little, she fixes her fingers to do a better job of rubbing her temples than previously, because she doesn't want her head to keep hurting. She still has one last class to get through, and then she'll be done for the day, but if her head is going to persistently keep hurting, she won't be able to teach her class.

'Stop hurting,' she groans in a plea to her head.

It's that she really needs to her head to stop hurting, because between feeling Damon's arms around her, and her thoughts on why she still feels said arms around her, she doesn't need a headache on top of that as well. It's already too much with the thoughts that are consuming her mind...

'Just stop hurting,' she begs again, breathing out afterwards and digging her fingers deeper into her temples.

It seems like her command for the pain to stop this second time, rather moves the pain from her head to her heart instead, because just as suddenly as it felt like her head started hurting, she feels the same abruptness in her heart. The abrupt pain hits her heart hard. Very hard.

It hurts. Her heart hurts.

Her heart hurts so much, that her hands automatically drop from her temples, to acknowledge that there's nothing that they (her fingers) can do, to try and ease this pain in her heart. For this pain in her heart, there's only one cure and that cure, she can't have. Because of that, weakly leans back in her chair, to simply succumb to the fact that her heart hurts.

Her heart so hurts, that it wouldn't be unfitting to shed tears right now.

No one who's been watching her live her life all these days, can tell her that her heart doesn't hurt. Yes, she's carried on with her life as though nothing has happened, and she hasn't displayed her pain for anyone to see, but no one can accuse that it doesn't hurt to be away from the man that she loves. It hurts, of course it hurts, it's been hurting so much to be separated from the man that she loves with everything that she has, that in the private moments like now, she's contemplated calling him, so that she can get back together with him.

Seeing as she loved him silently for years, maybe she should've just continued to love him in silence, because then, she wouldn't have lost him like she did. Or maybe, she shouldn't have allowed Lucy to stay in her house, and then poison her against the man that she has all this love for.

She's not going to lie, it's unlike her, but the fact is, a small part of her resents Lucy for showing up when she did. Lucy's words had stung so much, and still continue to taunt her when she allows them to, and for that reason, she feels a little resentment towards her relative. If Lucy hadn't come, nothing like her and Damon breaking up would've happened, and she would still be happy…

But the problem is, it's not just Lucy, though, she reminds herself. It's also an endless list of people that have something opposing to say about her former relationship with Damon. Damon himself said that Stefan didn't or doesn't approve of their relationship. Lucy even told her that Abby, Abby for goodness sake, doesn't approve of the relationship either. And even Enzo-

Enzo!

It's also his fault in a way, she thinks, her eyebrows drawing together with the thought. Maybe, if he hadn't said anything to Lucy, none of this hurting that she's going through, would be happening right now. He should've kept his mouth shut, and not gone and spoke about things that had nothing to do with him. He'd been perfectly clear when he said that if he left Mystic Falls, he'd never return, whether he left with him or not, so why did he mention anything about her to Lucy, when he clearly had no business to.

He'll have to answer for that, she thinks impulsively, reaching for her handbag on her table, and immediately starts going through it, to find her phone. In all serious impulsiveness, she's going to call Enzo, to make him answer for opening his mouth, when he didn't have any business to.

Just briefly, as she takes the phone into her hand, she thinks that it probably isn't the best idea to call Enzo. She means, usually, Damon would be the one between them, that would do the impulsive things without giving it proper thought, so this couldn't possibly the best idea for her to carry out. It's only that, fuelled by her hurting heart and that burning need to blame someone other than herself for the failure of a relationship that barely happened, logic has not much of a credit compared to impulsivity.

As she taps on the call button for his name, she tells herself that he probably changed his number, but she has decided to call him, and that's final. Normally, she would've talked to Caroline, when she couldn't talk to Damon, except now, Caroline is married to the person that doesn't want her to be with Damon, so she doesn't really think that it's a good idea to call her.

Enzo will have to do, he's after all part of the reason that Lucy knew about her and Damon before she came here. She'll call him, and then take out all of her frustration for losing the man that she loves, on him. She should be nervous of how their first words to each other after so long, will be, but she's just too caught up in the moment to be worried about any of that. After pressing the call button, she brings the phone to her ear and waits for it to ring. No sooner than it rings once, does she hear the sound of the call being picked up. Obviously, Enzo didn't change numbers, which is a relief for her right now.

'Bonnie?' comes from the other end in the deepest of wonder.

If she had the luxury, she would properly appreciate that he sounds unbelieving and relieved at the same time, for getting this call from her. If she had that same luxury, she would even go further, to imagine the glad look on his face as he says her name like that. Except, unfortunately, she doesn't have the luxury.

In fact, instead of that luxury, she has the burden of hearing him breathe her name like that, when it's clearly not the voice that she wants to hear saying her name. It makes her throat constrict in pain, that she's talking to the one man that she shouldn't be, and yet, he's sounding so… loving about it. She wishes, oh how she wishes with all of her hurting heart that it was Damon on the other end of the line.

Oh, Damon…

'Did you say something to Lucy?' she immediately asks, swallowing to help her throat expand from its constricting.

'We haven't spoken in months,' Enzo softly replies from his end, 'and that's the first thing you say to me?'

Of course, she knows that it's extremely rude of her to just get to the point, without even asking him how he is, and if he's doing okay. The problem is, however, that especially hearing his tone and voice, strengthens her frustration for the position that she's in right now.

'I miss you, Bonnie,' he comfortably fills in during her silence. 'I really just miss you, love. I think about you all the time. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing your face.'

His voice is so smooth and gentle, that she can't resist believing him, even if she tried to. It's only that his genuine warmth in confession, is doing her much more damage than it isn't. He can't possibly have any idea of what it's like to have someone so close, and not be able to be with them, while on the other hand, there's someone else who is willing to fill in for the forbidden other.

'Enzo,' she tries to warn him to stop saying such things to her, but he doesn't heed her.

Almost harshly, he resists with, 'No, Bonnie, you can't stop me from telling you how I feel. I need you to know how much I still love you. I really _do_ miss you, love. I miss laying in bed with you. Just hearing you laugh, I miss that. I miss you loving me back.'

He wasn't supposed to say that, she feebly thinks, closing her eyes and leaning back, to weather the stab that his words did to her already hurting heart. He really wasn't supposed to say that, because…

'Enzo,' she forces herself to say through the painful effect of the stab, 'it's painful to hear you say that, because that's exactly how I feel, only for Damon. You said something to Lucy and she… Now I lost him forever, Enzo. I didn't even get a week to love him… I just lost him.'

How she went from confessing the pain of hearing him saying what he said, to pouring out her whole story, she doesn't know. And what's worse, is that even having opened up like this, she doesn't feel the least bit relieved that she got it off her chest. What's more, is that there are tears escaping from her eyes, and she knows that she's crying, but none of that makes her feel better.

It's funny how she's always heard that a wound heals faster in the sunlight, and that talking about something, took some of its weight off, but she doesn't feel any of that. All that she feels, are heavy tears staining her face, and her heart turning to something heavy, that she almost feels like she can't bear the weight of her own heart anymore. She feels like she's on the verge of giving up.

'Hey, hey, hey…' Enzo softly shushes from his end, all his care evident in his words, 'calm down, love. You know I hate it when you cry.'

How can she not cry, when tears are in her eyes? How can she not cry, when all she feels like she has to keep her company these days, is pain? And how in the world can she not cry, when all she wanted was to be happy, and yet, something so simple, she can't even get?

Why her, she wonders, just why her?

She gave so much of her life to help other people, but the one time that she's matured and morphed into someone who is ready to do something wholly good for herself, the whole world turns against her. What's so wrong with her, that she can't ever get the normal things that people have handed out to them on a daily basis? Why can't she just _be_ happy? Why her? Why, just for now, for the time that she has left, can't she just have her moment of happiness, without feeling like she's committing the biggest crime of her life?

'I miss him, Enzo,' she blurts out with her broken voice, before she can stop herself. 'I know that I shouldn't be telling you this, because it's not fair on you, but we can't even be friends, Enzo. Damon can't even be my friend.'

It hurts. That fact hurts her. It just hurts her, that she can't have her friend by her side. She would rather have their awkward days of dating than not having her at all.

'Okay,' Enzo's voice softly accepts, 'I understand that, but please calm down, okay? Listen, love, do you need me to come over there?'

Wait, her breath catches in her lungs.

He'd do that? For her? Even knowing that she has her eyes and heart set on someone else? He'd really leave where he is, to come and be the friend that she needs to help her get through this phase with Damon?

'Enzo?' she chokes out, unable to speak what she's thinking.

She really means to ask if he would do that, because right now, she'll actually take his offer, if that's what he's proposing. With all these people against her happiness, she really does need to feel like someone is on her side, and someone understands her pain. If that someone is going to be Enzo, in this moment, in this moment of vulnerability and despair, then she'll take him.

'For you, I will,' he answers with a promise, apparently reading her mind. 'I just need you to be all right, love. So, do you need me over there?'

'I…'

Well, she does want someone, a friend here for her, but she, for some reason cannot bring herself to speak the words out loud. It almost feels like if she says that he should come, it would be disrupting the balance –or unbalance- of the current situation.

It'll be just for now, a thought sounds in her undecided mind, just until you and Damon can be friends again. It'll be just for now.

'All right,' Enzo says, apparently interpreting her incomplete sentence, 'I'll be there in the morning.'

* * *

Chapter 11, **Keep Me Breathing.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11, **Keep Me Breathing.**

* * *

Over the years, he's come to think of himself as a less sceptical, less cynical and less sarcastic guy, but with this, with what he just went through, he can't keep that old Damon from creeping into his thoughts. It's that he can't see the big idea behind closing his eyes, while he held Lucy's hand. If she wanted to hold his hand, she should've just said so, because now they're apparently 'here' and he doesn't recall feeling even a single whoosh of air around him.

He looks at her, now that his eyes are wide open to see her, and instead of immediately following his eyes to where hers are, he takes a moment to just study the side of her face.

Lucy better not be attempting to take him for a ride, he hears himself thinking. She's part of the reason that Bonnie suddenly has seconds thoughts about them being together, so she better not try anything. That's a mental warning.

'Okay, this is it,' Lucy says, pulling his attention to her.

He's tempted to keep his eyes on her, especially to figure out what her real deal is, but the huge empire that his eyes land, doesn't allow him to do that. Forget Lucy possibly and probably having an agenda, what in the heck is that impressive empire that he's looking at?

'Where are we?' he wants to know.

'Holland,' she answers. 'Just outside of Kinderdijk, and we're looking at the de Lange Manor.'

Manor? Yeah, no, he's pretty sure that's an empire on its own, because Manors _don't_ look like _that_. If his boarding house was that huge, he'd populate it with so many kids that resemble him, just to fill his empire. Heck, that Manor suddenly has him wishing for a bunch of children that he never thought he would want. If there's a law against coveting someone else's properties, he's forever going to be breaking that law, because man… That empire has him wishing he was fertile.

'What are we doing here?'

A big part of him, is hoping to hear her say that they're going to steal that Manor right from under the owners' noses. He's not a very materialistic person, of course, he loves good things, but he has a line. That line, is happiness over any material thing. Although, looking at the Manor from afar, he can't help it fantasise of happiness in there…

Lucy, as though sensing that he's on another page, faces him to tell him, 'We're going to take an item of value from that very Manor.'

Disappointing though the answer is, that's an easy task for him. he's done far worse, and far dangerous acts before, to be afraid of taking an item from a place like that. He's a compelling vampire, Bonnie's a witch, and Lucy here is very good at what she does so…

'Easy,' he shrugs it off casually.

'No, not easy,' she reproaches as if to say that he doesn't understand the seriousness of the situation. 'I'm going to fill you in on why, at home. Come on.'

He can't understand her, he really can't, and to prove this, he looks at her like she's lost more than just her mind.

'What was the point of all this, if you could've just explained it before we got here?'

Seriously, it doesn't make sense to him why they had to come all the way here, to see a place that she could've easily taken a picture of, only to tell him that they need to go back home to talk about it. Suspicious.

She doesn't help in making him think otherwise either, because she smiles at him, a most suspicious smile and then holds out her hand for him.

'Maybe I just wanted to hold your hand,' she says. 'Now, come on.'

Like he thought before, suspicious. She's being suspicious, and he doesn't like it one bit.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

When they get back inside the house, Damon is almost afraid to make even one move inside the house. It's not something that he's consciously aware of at first, but when he notices that he can't seem to move from the spot where he is, he can't help it wonder why.

It's this place, he realises.

He is terrified of this place, this house. Not the sort of terrified that would make him crawl behind a hiding place and hope to all of his immortal years that he doesn't get discovered. No, the sort of terror that he feels for this place, is a different one. It's a terror on a different scale, and consequently, with more of an ability to cripple him from the inside than anything else.

'Are you going to sit down?' Lucy's voice tries to pull him from his thoughts.

He hears her, really, he does, but…

It's this place, it's this house. His eyes look to the left, and then to the right of him. He's spent so many days here; happy and happier, with Bonnie, and now… Now, one single memory trumps all of the happy and happier moments of this place, making it seem like the good never happened. It's like all that's left of this place, is the memory of rejection that has him like he is right now, and that terrifies him so very much.

'Damon?' it's Lucy again.

What if that sour memory of Bonnie telling him that it's over, that she can't be with him, that she didn't think things through, is the only memory he will ever have of this place? What if it becomes the only thing that he associates with this house, until he can't bear to think of this house anymore? What if, for years to come, he'll still step inside this house and still hear her last words to him in this house too clearly?

'Damon,' Lucy takes the step to shake him. 'What are you doing?'

Only because she physically touches him, does he gather himself enough to look at her. He's not overly concerned to answer her, because who cares? He only cares to make sure that she doesn't touch him again. He hopes that the expression on his face, tells her that much.

'I know what you're doing,' she says to him.

And the senseless question that she asked him a second ago, was for what exactly? In fact, does she just plan to be like this with him all day? Is she going to keep messing around with him, until she gets what she wants from him?

'And what am I doing, Lucy?' he asks cynically.

'You're thinking of Bonnie, aren't you?' she asks, at least sounding compassionate. 'I can see how you are. I'm an ancient witch, Damon. I've seen it all.'

He only looks at her in response. Why in the world is she suddenly talking to him about Bonnie? It's her fault that Bonnie broke up with him, and besides, he came here to see how his help is needed, not to talk about Bonnie with her.

'I didn't tell her to break up with you,' Lucy says. 'If that counts, I didn't say it.'

Same difference, he thinks. Those thoughts that she put in Bonnie's head, made her unstable to the point of breaking up with him. Damn it, they already had a patchy start, awkwardly patchy, only for them to go through this as well? He'll admit his part in Bonnie's instability, but Lucy should steer clear of the Bonnie topic.

Closing his eyes briefly, and then opening and closing his mouth as though to get rid of the last bit of taste out of his mouth, Damon gives her a serious look, a look that says he's not going to entertain her. Patience better keep him stable and 'breathing' enough to endure all this...

'Lucy,' he sighs, 'what do you want help with? That's what I came here for.'

'Fine,' she resigns, lifting her hands up in surrender. 'I get it. I'll drop it.'

'What do you want help with?' he asks calmly. 'Don't make me ask you again.'

He really doesn't want to be rude, but if she won't get to the point, he'll get out of this house. He's partly just standing it for helping purposes. Granted, it was his choice to come here in the first place, but still…

'There's this witch who's going to help me neutralise another witch, that kind of detests me.'

'Neutralise?'

'Clean the slate,' she explains. 'You know, a favour for a favour. By proxy sort of thing.'

He really shouldn't be, but heck, he'd be lying if he says that part of him isn't burning to get into whatever mess she's in. It's been so long since he's felt the actual rush of doing things to the bad guys, that man… He's not going to lie, he's starting to feel the excitement at the prospect of getting involved in a mess.

'What did you do to this other witch?' he asks, his feelings rising steadily. 'I need to know what you're getting Bonnie into.'

And for Bonnie. He needs to know that Bonnie will be safe from immediate harm. Damn it, he can't lose that girl. If he could lose her, he would've done it years ago. There's just something about her that he can't let go of, something that sometimes makes him wish that he couldn't see her again for how strong it is…

'For someone who doesn't want to talk about Bonnie,' she rolls her eyes, 'there you are bringing her up, but…' she trails off to shrug and then only continue, 'If you must know, when you live as long enough, you make allies with people who have enemies and thus, you inherit their enemies. You know how it is.'

Doesn't he? But that still doesn't guarantee that Bonnie will be safe throughout whatever plan she has going on.

'Do you want a drink?' she offers.

What? Is she serious? Is she joking around right now? She's making his whole trip a waste of time. He gained absolutely nothing by coming here, not one single thing.

'Relax, Damon,' she says in a sort of seductive whisper, 'I'm not up for explaining all this twice, so until Bonnie and Abigail get here, I'm not really going to be telling you anything. We can just drink. And bond, I guess. Now, come on,' she beckons.

A total waste of time, he thinks to himself, but follows her anyway. Patience better keep him breathing long enough to escape from this soon...

* * *

Chapter 12, **Life In The Pain.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12, **Life In The Pain.**

* * *

She can only curse herself silently after she walks into her home to find everyone else waiting for her. Gosh, why did she have to be the last one to enter their meeting? Why did she have to turn up at a time when the other three are already grouped together, and turn her way once she opens the door? Why did she specifically have to be the last one, that she's now subjected to seeing him looking at her? There's Abby looking at her too, but it's Damon who she's concentrating on.

It's not fair how he looks at her like that.

She can try to downplay it, and convince herself that he may just be looking at her like that, because up until now, she had been the only one missing from their meeting. It would make her feel better to know that he's only looking at her like that, because he's glad to be able to start the meeting, other than subconsciously knowing that he's truly just longing for her with that look. Just so he knows, she doesn't appreciate him put her under his spotlight like he is; she doesn't belong there.

'So what's the help that you need, Lucy?' Bonnie asks to start the conversation and direct attention away from her, her feet carrying her closer to the group.

'Now that everyone's here,' Lucy starts, 'I won't waste any more of your time. I need a specific item from a specific Manor.'

'Manor?' Bonnie asks.

Mostly, she figures that getting to the point is good and convenient for her. Getting right to the point, means that they are some time away from discovering what Lucy wants, and the earlier they can establish that and formulate a plan to help her in the way that she needs, the earlier she can get back to her miserable life in the pain of losing not only her boyfriend, but also her best friend.

'It's in Holland,' Lucy answers her, inclining her head towards Damon. 'I already showed it to Damon.'

Lucy showed it to Damon? And she says that like it's nothing? All right, fine, she's responsible for ending her relationship with Damon, but that doesn't mean Lucy can… Her decision to end things with him, came on so fast, thanks to Lucy's words, in a matter of seconds, when she really hadn't been considering it to _that_ extent. It all happened too fast if she is being honest. She remembers those words coming out of her mouth, and her body reacting to them, and the next thing she knew, she was pushing him out of her life like he didn't matter to her. Everything happened so fast that she didn't get the chance to censor herself, and now he is going around the world with Lucy?

'Damon,' she simply says his name at first.

Only after she lifts her face to meet his, connecting her eyes directly with his, does she ask him the question burning her heart a little.

'You've seen it?'

For an answer, Damon only looks at her with an expression of longing, which is nothing close to what she expected to hear from him. She expected him to understand the question that she didn't voice, and then explain to her that he has a good explanation for going with Lucy like he did. She has no right to feel this way, but the idea of him going places with Lucy without her knowledge, doesn't sit right with her, and she just needs him to say something that will make her feel better. Even a little.

'Yes, he's seen it,' it's Lucy who gives the verbal answer.

She's then unwillingly turned away from Damon's eyes, to take a better look at her relative. It's that she can't believe Lucy. Lucy is supposed to care for her, but she's just doing and saying all these Damon related stuff, and Bonnie feels some type of way about it. She feels ready to say something to Lucy about it, but somehow, she manages to catch herself.

'Just tell us,' Bonnie chooses to say instead, 'what's in this manor?'

'Yes,' Abby speaks up with her support, 'tell us what is in the manor.'

Bonnie doesn't need that, she thinks as she huffs out a slightly annoyed breath. She doesn't need Abby to come to her defence. It's bad enough that Lucy's got her plotting hands on Damon, and Damon's keeping his eyes on her like she will save him with just any random word, that Abby doesn't need to have a third part in the burden that she feels being in her own house.

As much as she doesn't need Abby standing up for her, though, Bonnie is tempted to look at her. It's only because she remembers that Abby hasn't been in her life for a long time, and she doesn't want to start bridges that might just break down. A simple look of acknowledgement, could be viewed as an opening for the two of them to have a relationship, and she does not want that. Remembering how she took a chance with Damon, putting herself out there, and letting him know what she wants from him, only to be met with failure not even two weeks afterwards, is enough of a reason to keep herself reserved.

'There's a semblance,' Lucy answers them both, looking from one to the other. 'The witch who's going to help me with my situation, wants it, so yeah, that's what we're getting.'

'Tell us exactly what your situation is, Lucy,' Damon says while he walks to come and stand closely next to Bonnie. 'We need to know what we're getting involved with.'

'Scared, Damon?' Lucy seems to taunt.

That's not fair, Bonnie starts to think, when she suddenly feels Damon take her hand in his and tightly locks his fingers between hers. So as not to admit that she feels a good sense of relief from this little small act, she blames her allowing him to keep her hand like that, on surprise. He suddenly took her hand, doing that, and the shock wouldn't let her react in any other way than just letting it be.

'Bonnie's not doing anything dangerous. You may want to play with death, but she won't be making your enemies hers. You either tell us your situation, or we both walk,' Damon firmly sets the condition, and Bonnie finds herself agreeing with him.

'In 1998,' Lucy starts to explain, 'I met this witch. He introduced me to another witch. I got involved with that other witch, but he had enemies. Obviously, I inherited his enemies by being with him, and now I need to get this semblance to rescue him. It's that simple.'

'That simple?' Damon lets out a short laugh that is not amused in the least. 'Then tell us why you need help if it's so simple?'

Lucy only looks at him, which in turn makes Abby turn her eyes to Damon, and then to her.

'Are you sure that there isn't someone following you Lucy?' Damon asks, breaking the silent staring moment. 'That's why you came to hide out here, right? To lay low, because you could be tracked, and killed long before you get this semblance? Are you sure none of that is on your table of content, Lucy?'

'That's not the issue,' Lucy calmly answers him.

'Really?' Damon half outrages. 'You want me to risk Bonnie's life without all the details? You already invited her,' he gestures at Abby, 'without telling her, so give her a reason to stay.'

'I only want to help,' Abby says.

'I wasn't talking to you,' Damon sharply says to Abby. 'I'm talking to Lucy, and I want _her_ to start explaining things right now.'

'No, you're upset,' Lucy sharply replies, 'and you want any reason to burst out. Let's not make this what it's not.'

Because she knows Damon, Bonnie comes to the conclusion that now is the time to shut this down, before it all gets out of hand. Besides, she gave Lucy her word that Damon would help, not cause trouble. She obviously understands his need for assurance, seeing as they've previously dealt with hazardous situations, but she doesn't want him to look bad in front of the people that she shares blood traits with. She cares about him too much, to make him look bad in front of them.

'Lucy...' Bonnie cautiously begins. 'Please, just... Give me a minute. I'll talk to him.'

Although Lucy makes an expression that is halfway sceptical, she does agree to what Bonnie is proposing.

'Fine,' Lucy says, 'Abby and I will be in the kitchen.'

As soon as the two women begin to leave, Bonnie rotates to come to a direct stand before Damon. She feels irritated with him, (apart from the very obvious feeling that she is battling) and so when she directs her complete attention to him, she can only hope that he expression reflects her irritation.

'What the hell is your problem?' she urgently wants to know. 'I told Lucy that we would help her no matter what. What's suddenly going on?'

She understands what he was trying to do, she really does, but she just can't figure out why he's making such a big deal of it, as if to say that Lucy has terrible intentions for all of them. He has every right to be concerned about what he is getting himself into, but he can't be placing his stall on her, by making it all about her.

As she's watching his face while waiting for him to say something of a defence for himself, she notices how his expression all of a sudden changes to something softer, something that's not exactly sad, but not sad either. For its mere nature, gladly, she would've chosen to ignore, if Damon didn't ask her a question just then.

'Why don't you want to be with me, Bonnie? What can I do?'

Oh, gosh, Damon...

Right now, he wants to do this?

Honestly, if she thought that sighing would be any sort help to her, she would do it.

'Damon, please,' she begins to purposely coax him, 'this isn't about me. This is about Lucy and _she_ needs help. I told her that you would help her, because as a team, we'd do well together. I just want her to be safe and alive, and I know you can do that.'

'I know, Bonnie, I know,' he strains out like it's costing him so much to admit. 'But come on... You can't not want me, but need me at the same time. It's messing me up!'

'I already told you, that this isn't about me, Damon.'

It looks for a moment that he has heard her plea, and he will let it go for now, to instead concentrate on what they need to do for Lucy, but in the next moment, he reverts to expressing his heart on the features of his face. As if that isn't enough, he completely gets rid of the space separating their bodies by holding onto her arm and stepping right into her.

'I'm sorry, Bonnie. About what I said. I meant it, but I didn't mean it like I made it sound. You have to believe that I'm sorry.'

Despite her unwillingness to discuss them and their failed attempt at a romantic relationship, she's thankful for him saying that. He's apologised before, but still, it means a lot to hear him speak it again. It means so much, that she doesn't stop herself from reaching out a hand to lightly touch his cheek. A part of her believes that she's only touching him to make him feel a little better about this situation with her, but there's also a part of her that is allowing herself to mourn with him, their failed relationship. In her heart, she knows that she might not get an intimate and vulnerable moment such as this with him, so it's best that she allows this to happen. They silently seem to agree that for a long minute, they just need to stay that way, until he lifts his hand to retrieve hers from his cheek, and then lower it to their sides.

'Come on,' he's the first to speak, 'let's do this thing with Lucy.'

As she nods, he releases the hand on her arm to bring it up to touch cup the back of her neck. It's the gentle way that he does it, so measured and controlled, as if he has every sensual of kissing her, that her heart fluttering too much past what it's supposed to, but he only smiles at her. Where she thought that he would pull her closer to him, he only presents her with a warm smile, following his smile with offering words.

'But uh, if you need to talk... About anything... Or Abby, I'm here...'

Definitely Abby. She might be a subject that she needs to address later on, depending on how fast this help in Lucy's favour is set to disappear. She appreciates that he can put his hurt and confusion aside, to offer her his comfort.

'Thank you,' she sincerely tells him just before turning her back to leave for the kitchen.

The longer that she stands here with just him, the more vulnerable she is to become. And that, she doesn't need.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

After the whole meeting is over, two straight hours of explanations, going back and forth, and scathingly hungry looks here and there, Bonnie heads straight for the kitchen. Funny enough, they had started off their discussion in the kitchen, only for it to gradually move to the living room. Boy, is she glad that it's finally over!

Going through that meeting with a group of people who she doesn't particular have straightforward and uncomplicated sentiments for at the moment, took a lot from her, and after it all, she feels that she deserves something of alcohol to allow her nerves to settle back into place. Her purpose for coming into the kitchen, is precisely to look for the only bottle of alcohol that she keeps in her house, for Damon's benefit, but she can't seem to find it.

'What are you looking for?' Lucy wants to know, apparently having followed her into the kitchen.

Her reply, because she hasn't yet searched all the cupboards in the kitchen, is nonchalantly dismissive.

'It's nothing.'

'I'm sure that nothing has a description, Bonnie,' Lucy insists with an amused laugh. 'Tell me what it is. Maybe I saw it.'

Pausing her search, but not moving anything to turn and face Lucy, Bonnie starts to think that actually, no, she doesn't want Lucy's help on this. If she's being honest, she's a little miffed that Lucy took Damon somewhere with her, and she made it sound like it was the most perfect thing in the world. Lucy must remember that Damon is not part of this, for her amusement. She suggested Damon's help, because even if it's just in passing, she has a desire to see Damon, not so Lucy can take him to Holland without her knowledge.

'It's fine, I'll find it.'

'Come on, Bonnie, maybe I saw it,' Lucy continues to push.

Only to get what she wants and get away from Lucy as soon as possible, she decides to tell her the truth.

'There's a bottle that I keep in here, but I can't find it.'

From what she remembers, there'd been at least two shots left in that bottle. For tonight, they are more than enough for her, because she just wants to scald her throat with something deep, to help her get through the first part of the night.

'Um… Was it kind of empty?'

Something about Lucy's testing tone, gets her immediate attention, that she's turning in haste before she can stop herself. A mixture of contrasting feelings attack her once she lays her eyes on Lucy, and it becomes clear that Lucy knows a lot more than she is saying at the moment. A little suspicion, a lot more anger and elevated distrust all flood over Bonnie while looking at her cousin's face. Her body's reaction to all those feelings, is to freeze up. It's a wonder that she even gets her mouth to open, to ask a question.

'Do you see it?'

Shrugging like it's nothing, Lucy says, 'I had it with Damon.'

She-

Bonnie can't even complete that sentence in her head, but she will try again, just so her mind can grasp the weight of the words.

She had-

Still, she can't complete that betrayal of a declaration. She can't believe this. When was this? Two days ago? An hour ago? When did Lucy get time have time alone with Damon? And then drink with him? There's a burning in her chest. Her eyes are getting ready to tear up. She has to know the truth once and for all.

'What do you want, Lucy?' she thickly asks.

'Huh?'

Really, Lucy's going to play the part of someone who doesn't have a clue?

'You came here,' Bonnie starts to explain to her, folding her arms across her chest, 'making me break up with Damon, and now you're suddenly close friends with him? Just tell me what you really want.'

'I made you break up with him?' Lucy mildly outrages. 'No, honey, that was all you.'

'But you were the one who made it seem like it was not going to work,' she outrages back. 'What, do you want him for yourself, because you're immortal too?'

'Ugh, please, Bonnie,' Lucy spits out like she's terribly disgusted, 'I have _no_ interest in Damon. I couldn't even want him. I get that you're frustrated with being near him all the time, and seeing him laughing with me, but that doesn't mean you should create things that aren't there. Why would I even ask for your help, if all I wanted was your boyfriend?'

'I don't know,' she cries, unfolding her arms to throw them out in front of her, 'maybe you're trying to get close to him, who knows.'

'I have no interest in Damon,' Lucy maintains, only, her voice sounds like she's giving up this talk, 'but you know what, I don't have the energy for this right now. I'm going to bed.'

Just like that, Lucy leaves her alone in the kitchen, completely frustrated. Not only does she have nothing to calm her nerves now, she's now even more agitated than she had been before, and there's no one that she can run to, to help her. It's unfair. Her whole existence is unfair.

* * *

Chapter 13, **Many Of Horror.**


End file.
